Dear Readers,
Thank you for the insightful feedback on benchmarking and sharing some of your experiences:
Rajesh Bagga, a dear friend in Delhi, says that he has had positive results from benchmarking but he consciously avoids imposing on others a benchmark with which he felt uncomfortable.
Chandrika says benchmarking has relevance in all the eight stages of life which she tells me are the ages of 0-3, 4-11,12-13, 14-21, 21-30, 30-40, 40-50 and 50+. I did not know this and I do agree with her that benchmarking has a different connotation for each of the eight stages.
Reacting to my concluding comment on COVID benchmarking, Lynn from Washington DC says that the pandemic has humbled us all and brought us back to caring for each other and learning to live without all the unnecessary frills we once desired.
Capt Sarma has this to say:
“When I missed my first rank in BSc both in Maths and English by two marks and one respectively, my father said you lost out to the same girl twice.”Finally, like icing on the cake, comes compliments from my dear friend Ashvin who says: ‘I compliment you on the regularity with which you have been writing week after week on 48 different topics, which is no ordinary feat. You are able to make the ordinary look and sound extraordinary. Whenever I set out to write something, you become my benchmark!’ Wow, that’s something to cherish.’
So, what’s special about June 6th? I dug up some trivia of interest.
On June 6th 1962, the Beatles met their producer George Martin for the first time and recorded the famous Mexican song ‘Besame Mucho’ with Pete Best on the drums. Listen to it here:
For Tennis buffs: on 6th June 1987, the then 17-year-old Steffi Graf beat Martina Navratilova in the French Open, her first Grand Slam victory. Again, on 6th June 1992, in the same French Open, Monica Seles beat Steffi Graf. On 6th June 1999, Andre Agassi won his first and only French Open title. He married Steffi Graf in 2001.
⚔️ Disagreement
Dear Readers, all of us have, at some point, disagreed with someone on an issue or opinion. We also believe that we may continue to disagree in future as well. Disagreement occurs in the course of a dialogue or discussion with one or more persons. It could also occur when you disagree with an opinion expressed by someone in print or electronic media. These are two different kinds of disagreements, if I may say so. When you disagree with someone during a live conversation, it is an active disagreement but when you disagree with an opinion in the media, it is a passive disagreement. Of course, you may want to write to the editor expressing your disagreement.
In an active disagreement, there is always a possibility of rapprochement but in passive disagreement, there is no such possibility.
Read this make-believe conversation between two persons P1 and P2, which illustrates an active disagreement about an award-winning novel that they both have read:
P1: Hi, how did you like the novel ‘Story of The Lady on The Second Storey’ by A.N.Onym?
P2: Yeah, but I saw no connection in the story between the lady and the second storey!
P1: Well it’s just a title. Don’t have to take it seriously. Maybe the author wanted a catchy title?
P2. I saw no connection with the second storey except that the lady goes upstairs and downstairs, like Wee Willie Winkie, looking for her cat.
P1: Don’t trivialise an award-winning novel.
P2: Sorry, these days awards can be managed.
P1: That’s an unfair comment.
P2: I am making that comment after struggling through that novel. Did you read the novel after it got the award?
P1: Yes, I got curious and read the novel after it got the award.
P2: There you go, you convinced yourself that it is good because it won an award, right?
P1: No! It bagged the award because the jury was impressed by the portrayal of the bond between a spinster and her cat.
P2: I don’t know if the jury was swayed by the feline or the female but it is an insufferable story.
P1: I don’t agree with you.
P2. Neither do I agree with you.
P1: Ok, let’s agree to disagree.
P2: No! Let's disagree to agree.
P1: OMG! Let's not go on like this.
P2. I agree!
The disagreement here is so strong that there’s no hope either of them changing their position.
Another simple contrasting scenario: Conversation between husband and wife
H: I have acidity.
W: Better go easy on your single malt.
H; Why do you single out the malt every time I complain about my tummy?
W: Ok. Give me your reason for the acidity.
H: I think it was the deep-fried samosas your mother force-fed me.
W: I don’t agree and don’t blame my Mummy if your tummy is acting up. You had six samosas with your three single malts. That’s why. Do you agree?
H: OK. I agree (as if I have a choice)
W: That’s better. I will get you some antacid.
This indicates a reluctant agreement nevertheless which could well be to admit the mistake of 3 singles and six samosas or a disagreement suppressed to avoid a confrontation with the wife.
Passive agreement is actually a disagreement shrouded in escapism. There’s no desire to contradict when someone dominates you and is known to be not tolerant of or receptive to your views. It results in abject surrender and you rationalise by telling yourself ‘ what’s the point in giving my views? They will never be accepted and in fact, they may be rubbished. So, when you agree with the boss like a lamb that agreement is branded as sycophancy and if you are bullish about your ideas, the ensuing disagreement is characterized as a brazen illogical attitude.
During certain negotiations, the talks fail not because of any violent disagreement but because of a mismatch in expectations of the parties involved. Conflicts are considered serious disagreements and the parties involved are unable to find a common ground. It takes a long time to resolve such conflicts.
Disagreements are a product of individual perceptions and opinions. It is not always necessary to convert disagreements into agreements, which basically means consensus building. Two or three divergent views can co-exist without in any way undermining one or the other view.
Expressing an opinion and seeking another opinion means inviting a potential disagreement.
Sometimes we think we are expressing an opinion but it would actually be our judgement of a situation or issue. If someone says that in his opinion the time is right to start a new business and if you responded by saying ‘you have no business sense’, you become judgemental, instead of giving your opinion on the timeliness of starting a new business.
I remember the day when I decided to quit my practice and become an in-house lawyer for a corporate. A senior lawyer said, “ you are doing the right thing, there is no job satisfaction or money in this profession until perhaps when you are 50 and considered a Senior. Go for a steady job and steady income”. But another lawyer said, “you are making a big mistake! ”. The first lawyer endorsed my decision and the other lawyer did not give any reason but were judgmental of my decision to quit.
Disagreements do not always result in a stalemate or a deadlock. If discussions are steered well, they can be the means of facilitating further discussions leading to a consensus. Convergence of divergence is considered far more beneficial than someone giving in to the unilateral views of someone who is dominating or powerful.
In order to disagree one must have a basis. If a person does not have much knowledge or information about a matter under discussion he will not be able to disagree but if he is alert he can turn the situation to his advantage by asking questions and gathering information that may help him appear knowledgeable and give his views.
People have strong opinions for or against certain topics. Like a discussion over the death penalty or euthanasia. There could be a public debate and it may be endless. These are not in the same class as disagreements but more in the nature of public controversies.
Disagreements, if understood and analysed, are very helpful in reaching a more favourable decision. This reminds me of the following quote alluded to Napoleon Bonaparte:
The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
As the lockdown has been extended up to 14th June, I urge you to please stay at home and take good care of yourselves. We are not over the hill yet and on that, there is no disagreement!
See you next week. I am a bit nervous about FC #50! Please wish me luck.
Looking forward to FC50,
A great read, as usual, Prasanna. However you missed the most important event on this day: D-Day, the Allied invasion of occupied France on 6-Jun-1944.