Filter Coffee #054

On Lasting Impressions

Thank you Readers for posting your comments on ‘How Fair is Life?’.

• Anupam Sringeri posted a conversation between Karna and Krishna which was contextually apt

• Damandeep says: “My daughter has learnt to use the phrase ‘it’s not fair’, and it’s a process to have a dialogue to understand where this thought is coming from and what makes her think so... it doesn’t get easier as we grow up…”

• Murali says: “The youngsters, with focus on instant gratification, think anything delayed or denied is unfair. I remember Arthur Ashe's quote on fairness. He said that when he won a grand slam he never asked God ‘why me’. Hence when I feel sick I can not ask God ‘why me?’. We treat what we get as our birthright and unfair when something is denied to us.” 

On the 11th of July 2007, the 5th Harry Potter movie “Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix” was released. Like all the other Harry Potter films this too with its sheer technical brilliance and cinematography left a lasting impression on kids and adults alike. 

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Lasting Impression

All of us, with hardly any exception, have one or more ‘lasting impressions’. This is not the same as something etched in your memory which is something that one will always remember. ‘Etched in memory’ and ‘lasting impression’ could be termed as synonymous phrases, but what makes the latter different from the other is the emotion associated with that moment or occurrence.

Dismal tidings or sad events may be etched in memory by virtue of their profundity but they are not lasting impressions. To qualify for a lasting impression, a person must have seen or witnessed something that connects them to it emotionally and they can live that emotion each time they recall that moment. Let me demonstrate this by citing two of the four verses of William Wordsworth’s famous poem ‘Daffodils’:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

In 1802, William and Dorothy Wordsworth visited Glencoyne Park. On 15th April 1802, they passed the strip of land at Glencoyne Bay, called Ullswater, which was full of daffodils. The delightful description in the first verse and the blissful recollection of that experience captured in the last verse will help you appreciate the meaning of ‘lasting impression’. It inspired Wordsworth to write this famous poem sometime during 1804.

Interestingly, this poem was part of my High School English Poetry and we had a very good teacher who recited this poem and explained it so well that it left a lasting impression on my mind too.

We can’t exactly equate ‘I will never forget that’ to mean a lasting impression. By its inherent meaning, an impression is a feeling or an opinion that you form after observing or seeing someone or something. If that impression is enduring, like the Daffodils, it becomes a lasting impression. 

Sometimes what you think you will never forget may actually be a lasting impression because of something that followed that event. Let me share with you an example from my life. On a tour of Hawaii during the Christmas and New Year season of 2019, I lost my wallet which had a sizeable amount in US dollars while we were trekking over the lava fields.

As quickly as we could, a report was filed with the visitors centre. After what seemed like a harrowing and interminable wait, we got a call informing us that someone had turned in my wallet. We rushed and the front desk officer had the wallet and handed it to me. One glance and I could see everything was intact. The officer informed us that the family which found the wallet and turned it in, was in the visitor centre if we wished to meet them. We were overjoyed at the prospect of meeting that wonderful family and personally thanking them — a family of four; husband, wife and two kids. The wife spotted the wallet and had a quick look and had tears thinking of the ordeal the owner of the wallet may be going through and how it might ruin the Christmas spirit. I thanked them profusely and told them that the 2019 New year will be a memorable one. The family by their honesty and integrity made a lasting impression on me.

I am sure you have come across the phrase ‘are you trying to impress me?’ or ‘you don’t have to impress me’. People say this to you when you are trying hard to impress someone through your actions or words. A person may try to impress someone when they have a fear of what other people might think of him or her. The urge to impress others stems from the desire to make them feel that you are awesome.

You may say or do things without conviction just to make the people you are with think of you as an exemplary person or worse still, to belittle others. Pretending to be someone who you are not, betrays your dishonest desire to impress others. Resorting to flattery as a means to impress someone is to take advantage of that person’s vulnerability.

Driving the girlfriend around in a borrowed limousine, writing out a cheque at a charity event with no money to back it up, leading people to believe you are training to climb Everest when in reality you have a serious vertigo problem, are all examples of trying to create an impression.

Interestingly, what might impress people, without you trying to, can well be your modesty, your self-effacing nature and your openness in confessing to your shortcomings. This may well leave a lasting impression of you which is reflected in the way those people speak highly of you when you are not around.

Therefore, it follows that we should let our actions speak for themselves. There is no need to change your attitude to impress others. One should not be hesitant to confess one's shortcomings or weaknesses. That makes people connect with you more than your trumpeting, which will repel them. But be careful how you speak about your shortcomings. Some may think you are fishing for compliments.

Like for example if someone says you play the piano very well and you say ‘Oh! No, I’m just learning. The person may say ’don’t fish’. But if your wife dolls up and asks you ‘how am I looking, love?’ better not say ‘don't fish’. Learn to whistle and say wow!  

Whom you want to impress also depends on the relationship or equation that you have with that person. On a lighter note, husbands have not been so successful in impressing their wives. Suppose the husband comes home and tells his wife ‘my boss praised my contribution in front of the team’. The wife might say ‘That’s all very well. Tell him you want a raise, not praise’.

We often hear the expressions ‘He gave me the impression’ and ‘I got the impression’. Is there a difference in their respective meanings? I would think so but will be glad to hear from you guys. In my opinion, When one says ‘he gave me the impression’ you form an opinion after hearing what that person told you and the context thereof. When you say ‘I got the impression’ it may be your own understanding of what that person said and the inference that you draw. Let me try and play out both scenarios.

A tells B: C came and spoke to me about his relocating to Dubai and I got the impression that he took that job offer. 

B tells A: I am not sure, because when C spoke to me, he asked my views on his wife having to resign and children joining a new school. He gave me the impression that he is yet to make up his mind to accept that offer.

Both A & B have inferred differently when in fact, there’s a chance that C has decided to stay put in his current job.

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Dear readers, this pandemic has left an indelible impression on the entire world. A section of the population is ignoring the possibility of a third wave and thronging in hordes to hill stations without observing the safety measures. This gives an impression that they do not owe a duty to society and accept no responsibility in containing the pandemic, but are under the mistaken impression that they are immune from infection. I hope wiser counsel will prevail and they will realise that they are under the wrong impression.

Take care my dear readers and as always I look forward to your comments, not to impress me, but to help me improve my writing abilities!