Dear Readers,
It was great receiving your interesting comments on apartheid and discrimination of different types. Some were quite extraordinary:
My dear friend and eminent lawyer, Murali Neelakantan, shared an incident involving him in our own country. He recounts: “The most shocking experience of discrimination for me was when I arrived at the Taj Palace in Bombay on one of my visits to India (I lived in London for about 10 years). I was a regular and often my stay was for a night or two. On that occasion, I was accompanied by my ex-pat trainee. We landed late at night, checked in after midnight and we were to leave in a few hours. What shocked me was that my trainee was upgraded to a suite while I was allotted my usual club room. It wasn’t so much that he was much junior and he shouldn’t have it, as much as I had been a regular there for more than a decade and the hotel staff picked a gora over a desi regular. This wasn’t the first time and definitely wouldn’t be the last that this has happened.”
My friend Geoff Burgess, the M&A Partner of Debevoise & Plimpton, wrote this from London, “Great posting, Pras. We are struggling with these issues in so many ways. The most recent for me was the racist, nationalist blabber that followed England’s loss in the final of the European championship. He sent me the message that was posted by the teenage wonder Bukayo Saka whose penalty kick did not convert to goal and England lost. Bukayo Saka says “To the social media platforms @instagram @twitter @facebook, I don’t want any child or adult to have to receive the hateful and hurtful messages that me, Marcus and Jadon have received this week. I knew instantly the kind of hate that I was about to receive and that is a sad reality that your powerful platforms are not doing enough to stop these messages.” I recommend you read Bukayo’s message.
Yesterday, the 24th of July, marked the celebration of the Guru Purnima. All of us have been taught to chant “Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu, Guru Devo Maheshwara”. A teacher, or guru, plays an important role in shaping our lives. They do not just impart knowledge to their students but also guide and steer them towards the right direction in life. The Sanskrit word ‘guru’ translates to ‘dispeller of darkness’. I will talk about the ‘guru shishya parampara’ and what has happened to it over the years in some future edition. For now, I salute all my readers who, with their insightful comments, have encouraged me and provided me guidance.
The number 56 Has significance, as it represents ‘chappan bhog’ i.e. 56 varieties of food offered to Lord Krishna. If you wish to know more please use this link.
🎂 Celebrating Children’s Birthdays
There is no doubt that the pandemic has been a great dampener, and robbed thousands of kids all over the world of the thrill of celebrating their birthdays with their friends. There have been many attempts at hosting virtual birthday parties via Zoom and other platforms. People have devised ways and means of making the virtual party entertaining. There could be games conducted by a professional, a magic show and even Swiggy delivery of goodies and gifts to your kid as the virtual party is warming up. All said however, it is not the same as a real party, particularly for those kids who are below 5 years.
Celebrating a kid’s birthday is more of an urban phenomenon, and for the more upwardly mobile, there is a greater chance of the event becoming rather an expensive affair. Someone who witnessed a lavish birthday party at a 5-star hotel (before the pandemic) commented that with the kind of money that was spent, one could provide education to few girl children who are eager but denied the opportunity to study.
What are the things that go into planning such a birthday party? An event manager, a magician, a fancy venue, expensive return gifts, party games, prizes and cocktails with gourmet snacks for the parents who accompany them. Do you think I am exaggerating? Nah! I’ve seen this with my own eyes in Mumbai. Particularly in the case of an ‘only child’ where the celebration can leave one gasping.
Let’s look at something as simple as an invitation to a kid’s birthday. There are parents on both ends of the spectrum: those who underplay the event and those who just go overboard. Which kid is to be invited and which should not be is, more often than not, a decision that the birthday kid and the mother make. The mother, because she networks with other mothers and forms her own opinion as to which of the mothers should be invited.
If your kid has recently attended one such lavish party he or she would expect you to throw a party on the same scale which can be very daunting. You begin to regret your kid being invited to such a party and you can’t help harbouring the thought of preempting the peer pressure by pleading an excuse and not sending your kid to that party. There is enormous pressure on parents, particularly of the middle class, when it comes to hosting a birthday party. As part of upbringing, many parents (such as my wife and I, though more the wife) made their kids realise the limitations and be content with what is being done for their birthday early on.
During normal times, the birthday kid went to school wearing smart casuals and the whole class would know it is the child’s birthday. The expectations range from getting a piece of cake to getting a bar of chocolate with a gift. Some schools are sensitive to the feelings of other kids and insist on moderation.
In my childhood days, there was no such thing as a birthday. In fact, in those days no one remembered anyone’s birthday. Many were not even sure if the date of birth registered with the school was really the date of birth or a date that was picked out of the blue to make one qualify for admission. I suspect that was done in my case as I wonder in retrospect how I passed my 10th when I was 14!
All are familiar with 5-Star birthday parties, but some may not be aware of the ‘Star-Birthday’ celebrated by many parents on the ‘janma nakshatra’ day rather than the calendar birthday. As I was growing up, I have witnessed star birthdays being celebrated by offering prayers, doing pooja in the kid’s ‘nakshatra’ name and hosting a family lunch where the congregation of elders blessed and gave gifts to the kid ranging from pencil sets, crayons, water bottles, geometry boxes and many others that end up reminding the happy kid of his school. A far cry from today's gifts like Playstation, iPhone, iPad and so on.
The invitations to these star birthday functions are limited to near and dear ones, depending on who you considered near or dear or both. Gifts came under scrutiny and decided what you would give if invited similarly in the future. Some people have a remarkable memory of who gave what and when. Some are good at ‘palming off’ the gifts at some opportune moment — hopefully not to the person who gave it in the first instance!
I have known a few parents who celebrated the star-birthday of their kids very differently. They took the trouble of sensitising them to the plight of orphans and underprivileged children. On the child’s birthday, after visiting the temple, they would go to those institutions that housed unfortunate kids and distribute sweets or even host a lunch. Their kid would have a first-hand understanding of what it means to have your own home, parents and support system. This of course requires parents to have a philanthropic bent of mind and the desire to inculcate the spirit of giving in their children.
Since we are talking of kids, let me end with a few jokes strictly for the little kids in your family:
An 8-year old asked her grandmother, “Grandma, does God answer prayers?” “Yes, he does,” she replied. Then the kid asks, “Will he give you whatever you ask for?” Grandma replies yes! The kid lifts her arms and yells, “Thank you, God! Grandma’s getting me a dog!”
The teacher asked the kids in the nursery school class what they needed to grow up nice and strong. One little girl answered, “Birthdays!”
Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? No, they both burn shorter!
Dear Readers, I hope you liked this issue. It may remind you of an interesting kids’ birthday that you attended. Please do share your experience. Thank you. Stay safe and just because the lab report says you have antibodies, don’t become busy-buddies! See you next week!
This is a lovely read. To simplify and to avoid confusion, a useful reference point could be the nakshatra (constellation where the moon is placed) of the child when mapped to the month of birth of the child-star birthday as you have pointed out. This is calculated based on the moon staying in one sign for 2.5 days. Therefore, whenever the nakshatra of the child appears in the designated month of birth, the birthday can be celebrated with an option to also choose as to when to celebrate it within the 2.5 days period.
Pras` Filter Coffee on Children`s Birthday reminded me of our birthday celebrations in younger days. Birthday was always worked out on the basis of the star in the Malayalam calendar month. If the star comes twice in the same month, the second was taken as the birthday.
On the Birthday, we had bath early in the morning, wore new clothes and invariably went to the temple. Celebrations consisted of special lunch with payasam. Lunch was served on plantain leaf. One leaf was kept specially for Lord Ganesha with all the food items in the proper place and a lamp was lit in front of it. The birthday boy/girl sat in front of that with two others on either side for their lunch. There was no custom of gifts at that time.
Celebrations based on date of birth started only once I joined the Navy. In case of our children when in school, celebrations were limited to distribution of sweets/chocolates to classmates.
Thanks to Pras for bringing back memories of years gone by.