Filter Coffee: #083

On "IF"

Dear Readers,

FC #82 on ‘Covidential’ evoked mirthful responses from my readers, and I received fond inquiries from many about our well-being. Some readers suggested some home remedies: lemon, ginger, pepper, neem, Kaada, amla juice, inhalation leading to annihilation (of the virus) and turmeric too. Going by my readers' endorsement that laughter is the best medicine, I thought of a limerick on turmeric:

There is this maverick,
Who suggests water with turmeric
To kill the virus
Which plagues us,
Not knowing if it does the trick.

My wife and I thank each one of you for your kind concerns. We have recovered fully, and I am back in front of my comp.

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🤔 IF

Seven days of isolation allowed me to reflect on many things, particularly how we conduct ourselves in the face of adversity. Having been taught by my mother to take everything in stride, coping with Omicron-induced fatigue and discomfort seemed not so challenging. 

More importantly, I spent time reflecting on how age, though a number, catches up with you. I thought on many events of the past and how I could have handled them better, and regretted acting in haste on many occasions. Feelings were hurt, not just my own but others too. Being insensitive to others' feelings seemed ok at that moment, but when good sense prevailed, the mind reflected on the hurt caused and desperately wished to put the clock back.

There have been moments when we have accused others and others have accused us wrongly. We have been guilty of some wrongdoing, ill-conceived actions, or seemingly inappropriate behaviour involving our peers, parents, friends and even our own children. How then do we expect our children to respect others feelings, be respectful of others’ views and be compassionate?

The poem IF by Rudyard Kipling helps us reflect on some of these aspects. Kipling wrote this in 1910 as paternal advice to his son, John. It is so inspiring that the Late Khuswant Singh equated it to the teachings in the Bhagavad Gita. For the same reason, In India, a framed copy of this poem can be seen in the cabins of the officer cadets at the National Defence Academy in Pune and the Indian Naval Academy in Ezhimala.

IF, The Poem: What the words of Kipling mean to us:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:

Let us not lose our cool even when others around us lose theirs and blame us for it. This is particularly relevant when you are involved in a blame game or, for that matter, road rage. It also reinforces my belief in the axiom ‘discretion is the better part of valour’. We should believe in ourselves even when others doubt us. Ask yourself: why are they doubting you? I interpret this as being tolerant of others’ views and not expecting people to accept what you say as the only view on any particular matter. It may also be about motives, your good intentions. If you are truthful and your intentions are good, you need to move on and not let others doubts cast a shadow.

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

Patience is the mother of all virtues. One should not give up easily. Honesty and integrity are the hallmarks of a truthful person. Do not peddle lies and don’t let others lie about you. I relate these words to the tendency among people to gossip or spread rumours. We tend to derive vicarious pleasure in discussing others and their lives. If we respect and accept people for what they are, we will be at peace with ourselves. If someone dislikes me, it does not mean that I should take an instant disliking to that person.

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:

All of us aspire for something in life. We are in pursuit of happiness, not knowing that it is unending. We dream for ourselves, and we dream for our children. We let our thoughts go astray and build castles in the air. Kipling’s words imply that dreaming and wishful thinking are ‘impostors’ and that we should not be obsessed with them. Visualising and thinking through are positive actions, but only so long as they are not fantasies, far removed from the realities of life. Action speaks for itself and not just dreaming to achieve something. This is perhaps why at the entrance to the Wimbledon centre court Kipling's words, “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same” are written, reminding players that winning or losing is not so important as upholding the spirit of participation.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

All of us have experienced situations when someone gives an ugly twist to what we may have said, distorting the truth to their ill-conceived designs. We can relate these words to politicians and celebrities making statements and later when they are reported, instead of retracting or apologising, they accuse the reporter of twisting the statements. Kipling cautions his son, and so, all of us, that if what you built or created is lost or destroyed, do not lament but believe in your ability to recreate with the creativity and industry within you which does not die. Issac Newton is reported to have re-written all his works when they perished in a fire.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

We are all very familiar with situations when greed overtakes us, and we wager all that we have or won to double the gains but end up losing everything. If we are capable of taking such risks, we should have the resolve to not agonise over it or repent our folly but organise and rebuild what was lost, never to lose it again. We have known families driven to the streets or living in penury when the sole bread earner gets addicted to drinking, drugs or gambling — compulsively betting on horses or playing cards for high stakes with the illusion that he will hit the jackpot one day. 

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!

All of us are getting on in years. Age may well be a number. But retaining our mental faculties is as important as keeping hale and hearty. There is a chance that we develop dementia or other conditions that affect memory. It is entirely for us to ensure that we retain our willpower and strength of mind and not let our grey cells die without the activities that nourish them. Reading, crosswords, sudoku and many other stimulating activities help us remain mentally alert. Our neighbour Padmanabha, my aunt in the village and many others who are in their 90s can recall with clarity events that occurred many years ago and narrate them in great detail.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:

Keeping one’s feet firmly on the ground is so important. If you have your head in the clouds, you distance yourself from ground realities. We should have the equanimity to not discriminate but relate to people whether rich or poor, powerful or meek. Most importantly, we must be able to relate to the common man. We should have the ability to sustain the pain that a friend or a foe may cause with his acerbic comments. We, too, should conduct ourselves in such a way that we don’t hurt the people around us.

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

Every minute counts. You should seize the moment and achieve what you must. Kipling beautifully says that ‘time is unforgiving’ and it will not come back. Opportunity knocks once is an example. If that opportune moment is lost, you have missed the bus called ‘time’.

Though Kipling wrote IF for his son, every word is significant to each one of us and our children (please share this with your children too).

Having read Kipling and having got the essence of his advice to his son, I would conclude by saying: 

If only we had heeded good advice, if only we had worked hard, if only we had respected people, if only we had done some good when we had the ability, if only we had not been hurtful, if only we had spent time with our parents and family, if only we had not been miserly, if only we had bitten our tongue when profanity took charge, if only we could turn the clock back, if, if, if...

I hope you liked this longer than usual post. Thank you for your patience. Write and tell me if…