From Atlanta GA
Dear Readers,
It’s quite warm here. The Sun feels very sharp as the sky is free of clouds and pollution.
It does rain, as in Bangalore, and it brings down the temperature by a few degrees. I have been exploring the walking trails, a different one each day. I just walk, not talk, but my wife enjoys ‘talking the walk’. Friends, thank you for liking and commenting on ZOPA. I am sharing some of those comments:
Shahji has this to say: “Yes, we need ZOPA, particularly in fixing the free time for kids. My grandkids have found a workaround. They conveniently feel hungry just so that they can watch whatever they want while they eat. Of course, we have ZOPA on what they can watch.”
Tarun makes a profound observation: “In matters of commercial and business activities, ZOPA is a great way to find common ground and reach positive outcomes. But in matters of politics, ideology and beliefs it's best to ‘agree to disagree’ to avoid conflict.”
Tarun, I had a difference of view with a guy and when I said let’s agree to disagree, he disagreed and said “No, you disagree to agree”.
Ashvini shares his experience: “In the case of parents disciplining children and finding a ZOPA, I have seen remarkable results when parents follow the rules themselves. More importantly, disciplining is supported by explaining the pros and cons of the rules. Children don’t accept the ‘because-I-say-so’ approach. This is the time when grandparents should go for a walk :)”
S G Murali presents a different perspective: “With grandchildren it is easier for grandparents to divert their attention, pacify them and quietly reach a ZOPA. When parents assert authority, they fail miserably. Also, parents should not disagree in front of children. Kids are very smart and the moment they see a weakness in their father or mother, they will leverage it.”
🥧 Pie Crust Promises
In the 1964 movie Mary Poppins, Julie Andrews plays the role of a nanny who employs music and outdoor adventures to help the kids get closer to their rather stern father. In one of the scenes, the nanny is tucking the children in bed and the young boy, who is by now quite attached to the nanny, does not want her to leave. He anxiously inquires “Will you stay if we are good?” and the nanny replies “A pie crust promise. Easily made, easily broken.”
It is reported that in 1681, Heraclitus Ridens used this expression in one of his political satires when he wrote “He makes no more of breaking Acts of Parliament, than if they were like promises & pie crust, made to be broken.”
According to bookbrowse.com, Irish writer and satirist Jonathan Swift popularised this expression in his 1738 book, Polite Conversation, and thus is often attributed with being the author of it. The expression is found in these lines:
Lady Smart: My lord, all the town has it that Miss Caper is to be married to Sir Peter Giball; one thing is certain, that she hath promised to have him.
Lord Sparkish: Why, Madam, you know promises are either broken or kept.
Lady A: I beg your pardon, my Lords, promises and pie-crust are made to be broken.
Dear Readers, we make different promises to different people at different times. We may not pause to think that ‘promises are meant to be kept, come what may’ before making the promise. We break them or, simply put, we don’t keep them.
Pie crust is the crust that forms the base of a pie, and it is brittle enough to disintegrate easily. The analogy between breaking a promise and the crumbly pie crust is not difficult to comprehend. Please read on, and if you think of an unforgettable instance when you made or received a pie crust promise, do share that experience.
We tend to be quite unmindful when promising something. We may not realise that when we make a promise, we lead the other person to believe that he is being guaranteed something. When we are reminded of that promise after its due date, we tend to wriggle out of the discomfiture that follows by saying, “Oh! I just said I would try. It was just an assurance and not a promise.”
Is there a marked difference between an ‘assurance’ and a ‘promise’? To be a promise, should one make it on oath? Why shouldn't an assurance be considered a promise? Is there a bright-line test to differentiate assurance from a promise?
Well, it is possible to make some differentiation between the two, but please be mindful of the fact that the recipient may not know the difference and may confuse one with the other. Do you see the difference between two simple sentences: ‘I assure you I will return the money on Monday.’ and ‘I promise you that I will return the money on Monday’? One could argue that ‘assure’ is not the same as a promise as it merely holds out a hope or inspires some confidence but does not result in an irrevocable commitment which promise is intended to mean.
So, should one be careful when using the word ‘promise’? It would appear so, at least that’s what I was told by my wife, who was promised many vacations during my hectic work life, yet none were taken. Sincerity of intent is behind both ‘promise’ and ‘assurance’. If you assure someone of something, you need to make sincere efforts to deliver that assurance and if you made a promise, you should do what it takes to deliver on that promise — ‘best effort’ will not suffice.
There is another school of thought that puts commitment above promise, to imply that delivering on a commitment is far more intense than a promise. All of us make promises and commitments, but under what circumstances do we make a promise, and when do we make a commitment? Apparently, commitment comes on the back of a promise. If you promise something, you are committed to do all that it takes to live up to that promise. So, a promise without the commitment to deliver is like pie crust.
If you want to make sure you can deliver the pie and not the crust, while making a promise you first ask yourself ‘am I committing to something which is beyond me?’ If you are promising a contribution to a charity, you ought to realise that behind that promise lies a commitment that you are dedicated to the cause espoused by that charity.
On the other hand, if you say “I will ensure” and not “I assure”, you are indicating that it is not entirely within your power and means, but it is dependent on some external factor. ‘Ensure’ again is fraught with certain unintended consequences depending on the context. Imagine you are asking your friend to lend a sum of money to another friend (the money that you don’t have) and you say “I will ensure he returns it as he promised”. Are you unwittingly becoming a guarantor? Think about it.
Words of ordinary connotation and common usage can have unintended consequences if they are not used in a way that befits a context. They could end up being pie crust.
If certain promises are capable of being labelled ‘pie crust’, are we generalising that promises are like pie crust, easily made and easily broken? To answer this question, we should understand that a pie crust is as important as the filling in a pie. Pies are defined by their thin & crispy crust. The crust breaks easily, but the pie remains for you to savour. So, if you are making a promise, make it only if you can deliver it like a pie and not break it like the crust would.
Let’s now look at some pie crust promises that we encounter every day. Readers can add to the list:
Any service provider who says: “I promise Madam, I will definitely come tomorrow.”
Addict says : “I promise I will quit smoking / drinking on New Year's Day”.
“I made him promise that he won't gamble again.”
“If you come first, I promise I will buy you a motorbike.” (though you consider it unsafe)
Here are some Pie-Maths Jokes:
A baker wrote a Pie recipe and called it ‘pie chart’
What are the timings of the pi shop? It is open 22/7
What do you call a pi shop owner's baby ? qt pi.
What grade did the pi shop owner’s son get? 3.14
If you are a fiction buff, you may wish to read Piecrust Promise by Nanette Kinslow. It is available online.
That’s it for now, guys. Hope you enjoyed reading this. I can promise you that pie crust is not that easily made, but can be easily broken :)
See you next week. Take care & stay safe!
First things first. Pras. Tarun seems to have a different view in most cases. The very fact is that he disagreed and said “No, you disagree to agree”. For once, he seems to have beat you at the game of English and had you tongue-tied at that response. Speaking of English. FC is another learning tool to me. I do not remember hearing that term of pie crust being made to be broken, though I had seen the movie Mary Poppins long long time ago. Congratulations Pras. FC #104, really made my day. Where else can you have a lawyer, and a very successful lawyer at that, discuss on promises and the thin line that differentiates it from ensuring, assurance, commitment etc.
As for the nearest example I have of a lawyer, is my father-in-law’s father who was a lawyer (probably a criminal lawyer) in a small town in Kerala. I remember my father-in-law telling me that his father had refused to go and confess to the priest (which we Christians are supposed to do and of course not repeat the mistake one had committed), till after he retired from his profession obviously since he knew that most of what he spoke- at least in court, was like pie crust, and could be far from the truth.
Since you have asked me for unforgettable instances when pie crust promises were made (thankfully not to me personally), I remember how politicians make pie- crust promises, that all know (so does he) will be broken. Yet, they go about doing that and many even teach their family members on how to do it with aplomb. They obviously know which side the bread is buttered better.