FC 159 elicited quite a few comments.
KBR Murthy says: Very true. In real life, people out of ignorance, fear, or wrong perceptions want issues not to be discussed in detail, leaving the issues to remain as an elephant in the room. Sometimes it is a very sad state of affairs when intended help cannot be offered!
Dr Naina Rani says: Loved reading this FC and for that matter each FC you churn out Sunday after Sunday despite your preoccupations with travel! You are truly a walking, talking encyclopedia and a treasure trove bubbling with ideas, topics, and experiences to share. You're unstoppable, and may your penchant for writing and sharing these FCs continue for us to savor, enjoy, relax, and get rejuvenated to face the week ahead! Kudos to your eloquent writing skills. Talking of stories of elephants in our childhood, I was reminded of the story of the elephant and the tailor and how the tailor was taught a lesson by it for pricking him with a needle, leading to a nice spray of water showered on him. Mute animals also have ways to teach many lessons. Elephantine memory is what few are gifted with, and you are blessed with it, which is evident from each of your FCs which are fountains of knowledge. Looking forward to your subsequent FCs.
Lakshmi Raman says: This quite often happens at family gatherings. Someone who is the black sheep of the family has done something scandalous, is not invited, and is not mentioned by anyone. But all are aware of this, the elephant in the room.
Ashvini Ranjan says: About the elephant in the room, individual perception is subjective. Different individuals might genuinely have different understandings of an issue without intentionally wanting to avoid it. Their perceptions might be based on their experiences, values, and understanding, rather than an intentional refusal to acknowledge the problem.
📩 RSVP
A few days ago, I attended a wedding at a resort on the edge of Bengaluru. Truly, Bengaluru has expanded in every direction. The city has stretched both vertically and horizontally. Namma Metro has facilitated this expansion. Sadly, this growth has come at the cost of trees, and Bengaluru's green canopy is diminishing. The challenges of development are countless. (If you are a tree lover please read this article: “Hack attack”)
Celebration of any kind involves meticulous planning (some people even hire event managers). Venues are secured at exorbitant, if not astronomical, rates. Elegant invitations are printed and dispatched to guests via Dunzo, occasionally accompanied by a box of sweets.
The process usually begins with a 'save the date' notice and concludes with a WhatsApp reminder. However, what often gets overlooked is the RSVP, derived from the French term “Répondez s'il vous plaît”, translating to 'please respond'.
If I go back in time when I lived in Mumbai, I can recall the wedding or Navjote invitations that I received from my Parsee brethren. I wish I had retained one of them to show the meticulous manner in which information was sought. Let me list them out from my imperfect recollection. The RSVP card would ask for:
How many people are attending?
Number of Adults & Kids:
Attending event only?
Attending both event and dinner?
How many veg?
How many non-veg?
Your response helps us plan and avoid waste.
Please reply before...
I've never seen another community adopt this effective method to ensure responses from everyone. I've utilized it multiple times. Once, the invitation noted: "Limited Parking - Carpool Recommended." Another mentioned: "Valet parking available." Such valuable details.
Another form in vogue is “RSVP Regrets Only.” This implies that the host assumes you'll be present at the event. If you intend to go, there's no need to reply. But if you can't make it, it's courteous to send your regrets. You don't need to provide a reason for your absence. However, if you miss the event without responding, you might indeed regret not regretting.
These days, weddings often include multiple associated events such as the Sangeeth, reception, and the ceremony itself. It's crucial to inform the host about which events you plan to attend. The wedding I mentioned earlier didn't request RSVPs, leading to excessive food and arrangements due to uncertain attendance for each event. The overwhelming traffic and the remote location of the resort only compounded the issue. It was disheartening to see so much food wasted.
I attended a wedding where the bride's side covered all the costs, even though there's a shift towards a 50:50 split nowadays. The bride's parents were anxious to know the guest count from the groom's side but hesitated to ask. As a result, the arrangements surpassed the actual turnout.
It's my belief that 'save the date' serves two purposes. You can either respond promptly if you already have plans or decline closer to the time if attendance isn't feasible. Setting it as a calendar event with a reminder about a week ahead aids in decision-making.
Some invitations include "RSVP" and provide both an email address and a phone number. Instead of sending a WhatsApp message to a potentially unfamiliar number, it's more appropriate to send an email confirming your attendance or expressing your inability to attend.
Often, invitations state, "We invite you to attend the wedding with family and friends." This doesn't mean you should literally bring friends along. Imagine replying with, "I can't attend, but my friend will."
At events where a VIP is expected, security becomes a concern ( or is it a nuisance?). Attendees may be required to bring the invitation to the venue, and perhaps even a photo ID. I find such invitations less appealing. There have been times when the VIP doesn't show, and event organizers send a generic message citing "unavoidable circumstances."
Now in the age of AI (not to be confused with Air India from the past, awaiting a resurgence), there are websites that help you craft efficient RSVP links. Such tools are convenient for guests, allowing them to click and input details. Google Forms is an option, but a custom link might yield more specific information. (If interested check out Online RSVP - Free Event RSVP Website | Eventbrite.)
Kevin Kelly, founder of Wired magazine, shared this piece of practical wisdom in relation to RSVPs.
“When you get an invitation to do something in the future, ask yourself: would you accept this if it was scheduled for tomorrow? Not too many promises will pass that immediacy filter.”
On a lighter note:
There are moments when you receive an invitation without an RSVP request. Yet, you may feel compelled to reply. However, it's crucial to be mindful of your response. For instance, replying "Next time for sure!" to a wedding invite may not be a great idea…
Even with the best intentions in mind, you probably shouldn’t ask, "I can't attend, but can I send flowers? Does the bride have a pollen allergy?"
There are times when an invitation reads "no gifts, blessings only." Some guests take this to heart, arriving empty-handed, only to see others ahead bearing presents.
When a non-English speaker asked the meaning of RSVP, Smart Alec quipped, "It means, remember to send wedding present."
This post does not come with an RSVP. But do share your views, as many of you do.
See you next week. Take care and be safe. Ciao.
It’s not as bad as we imagine. Much of the leftover food at these weddings gets picked up by NGOs which they donate to orphanages and old age homes. Most wedding caterers have these NGOs on speed dial. So in some sense not “RSVPing” arrival or regrets is actually a good thing for some of the underprivileged folks.
As events and weddings get more elaborate and expensive the need to plan and execute meticulously needs a clear estimate of numbers/ invitees. What was considered impolite at one time is seen as professional now. It's OK to drive specifity. Most of all wastage is a sin and most people understand that.