From New Jersey
FC 209 on ‘Faith & Trust’ got good reviews. I feel rewarded for my efforts when readers share their incisive comments and experiences with faith and trust. I want to share them with you, particularly the one from my dear friend Subahu, who had a life-threatening encounter. Here’s what he says:
Subahu: “What you have said about trust and faith is so true. I was diagnosed with oral cancer 6 weeks ago. I had decided to take a few opinions from oncology surgeons before deciding who to go with. The first one I met. His no-nonsense and honest approach, with which he answered my questions. He did not sugar coat anything, but with an assuring tone and a smile, he instilled confidence in me and my family. I decided to place my faith in him and trust him with my life. The surgery was a high risk as it was a long one—he told me 8 to 10 hours. (It went on for 14 hours). The challenge wasn’t the surgery but my comorbidities (cardiac hypertension, borderline diabetes and liver disease) that kept me under anaesthesia for so long. But I believed in him and placed my faith and trust in him. Now I write this as I am rapidly recovering to the new normal life.”
Vinod Karnik says: “Enjoyed reading. Liked the examples of faith and trust experienced by all of us in our daily lives.” Niharika, too, expresses the same view.
Cdr. V K Santhanam complimented thus: “Dear Mr Prasanna. Filter Coffee 209 is very much to be read many times and saved for future reading. What you have written about trust is so true that it should be used in daily life. I am saving this article and sharing it with many of my family members and friends, Regards Cdr” [I’m grateful Cdr]
Tarun Kunzru: “True Pras—belief and faith are extremely subjective and very personal emotions. Trust does have an element of empirical evidence, but even that could well be anecdotal. Therefore, getting into a debate on these matters could be meaningless, frustrating and sometimes infuriating. A classic example would be the typical issue of religious conflicts. The beautiful word for me is 'hope'. It's a powerful confidence-builder in a world which can sometimes be difficult. And the best thing is, no one can say my hope is better than your hope!”
Lakshmi Raman: “Belief, faith and trust are, as you say, different from each other, though there may be overlap. To me, belief is based on mental models I have developed over the years, even throughout a lifetime. Faith does not always have a rational basis. In fact, at times, I have reposed faith in someone who doesn't have a good track record, and they have rewarded my faith by keeping it, out of sheer shame or embarrassment, I don't know. As for trust, to me, it is based on experience—one's own and one's faith in others who have the experience to advise [...] accordingly. I'm still pondering. Thank you, Prasanna, for this post. I wish Subahu Desai all the best for a speedy recovery.” [That’s very nice of you, Lakshmi]
Karthik: “Never hide anything from your lawyer or doctor, they say. You must always trust them with every detail. When it comes to dealing with your case, have blind faith in them! A great article bringing out the subtle differences between trust and faith!!”
🙌 Independence & Freedom
Before I start writing my post, let me hope and wish that you celebrated Independence Day. There’s so much debate about what nationalism means. Without giving it any colour, if we mull over, we may see it as a sense of identity & belonging. As an ideology, it is the respect and a sense of pride an individual has towards his country. Nationalism was at its peak before & around the time India gained independence. Over the past 75 years, the fervour seemed to have ebbed, and it is now more a topic for armchair discussion.
Independence which is at the core of sovereignty is different from the independence that each of us seeks in our various walks of life. Independence and freedom, each have different connotations to different people in diverse situations.
Not depending on others but desiring to be self-reliant triggers the pursuit of individual independence. A young student wanting to self-finance their studies, even if the parents could afford it, is indicative of their desire to be independent by securing a student loan from a bank. In reality, this is not true independence. The Bank needs collateral, and the student has to rely on a parent or someone else to guarantee repayment. But this pales into insignificance in comparison to the student’s passion for independence.
During my student days, I had no such access to education funding, though there was a fierce desire in me not to burden my parents. The desire to be financially independent was unattainable due to the inadequacies of the financial institutions of that time. Today, student loans are there for the asking. While a student can have the satisfaction of independently financing the studies, they come to realise that they will not be free to indulge in certain comforts but have to put up with some hardship. To that extent, their freedom to socialise or take part in certain activities gets circumscribed. It is a kind of contradiction, that they are independently funded but not free to indulge.
Do both independence & freedom come with strings attached? What do my readers think? It would be great to hear from them. At a personal level, If I borrow money to buy a roof for myself, an automatic hedging comes into play and I find myself cutting back on those expenses which I used to incur, without a thought, in the pre-borrowing period. I am not denied the freedom to spend, but it is on restraint, given my repayment commitments. It would appear that whenever you become independent in a given context, you may find yourself denied of unfettered freedom.
Where do you draw a line and say I don’t want independence if it denies me freedom, or I would rather forgo some form of freedom if it ensures my independence? Perhaps one can demonstrate this dilemma by comparing the merits and demerits of a joint family with a nuclear family. The support one gets in a joint family set-up gives each member of that family a certain degree of freedom to pursue his or her interest or to go out, leaving the kids under the care of other elders. One may feel that there’s dependency, but the freedom that shared responsibility affords makes it worthwhile.
Is there more independence in a nuclear family? Perhaps, but with that goes the degree of freedom one would wish for. You need to rely on help-givers of different kinds to free you up to pursue your social and other activities. There are circumstances which may compel a person to leave a joint family home and go nuclear. This can cause emotional distress and may linger long enough to not even think of the independence or freedom that may have ensued.
The perceived intrusion by elders into the privacy of younger members of the family can be quite irksome, but besides curiosity, the elder’s inquisitiveness stems from their desire to be kept informed, which was the norm during your growing up years. Misunderstanding does occur in a joint set up, tempers may flare up and there may be a communication breakdown too. But none of these matters if the big picture of familial harmony is kept in mind and people become accommodative of each other's concerns.
There’s always a two-way trade-off between independence and freedom, which are distinct but used interchangeably. Freedom affords you the ability to act, speak or think without restraint or control so long as there is nothing devious or egregious. You can make choices and decisions without interference. Independence makes you self-reliant and not dependent on others. Not all forms of independence bring about self-sufficiency and self-reliance. Not all forms of freedom are absolute. To be free but to depend on others when needed brings about greater understanding and promotes empathy.
Independence is a state of things and freedom is an emotion. To be under no one’s control is independence, and to do what you please is freedom. These may appear utopian, but they are not absolute in real life. However, both have an element of personal autonomy. Freedom is the ability to pursue your interests without interference. Independence is to go about your life and your preferences without placing reliance on anyone else.
Two people in a relationship talk about ‘his space’ and ‘her space’. Space is sacrosanct to each of them in preserving their individual choices, and one person’s choice plays out without any interference from the other person. Respecting each other’s space and harnessing interdependency makes the relationship worthwhile.
Dependency is the antithesis of both independence and freedom. Bangalore, like many other big cities, is perennially short of water. Organised apartment owners’ associations have borewells or managed to procure water in tankers and store them. But what about those who have access only to public taps or taps in the house that run dry in a couple of hours? The same thing can be said of associations having gensets and the others having to put up with load shedding. If erratic supply of utilities control the daily life of ordinary citizens, how can they be free to do what they want at the time of their choosing, and how can they think of being independent when they are dependent on the whimsical supply of power & water?
Being rich & famous and being surrounded by guards is an indication of living in fear, even if it is illusory. They consider such paid security an appurtenant to their assumed celebrity status. If they install themselves in ivory towers, how can they ever enjoy the freedom that a common man might have? They forfeit freedom in exchange for basking in the limelight, not knowing how long it lasts. They feed on and depend on adulation from fair-weather fans and flatterers.
The burden of debt is the worst enemy of both freedom & independence. The burden may well have been self-imposed through indiscretion, or may have been thrust on a person due to circumstances that he could not control. A creased forehead says it all. As it is said, “Uneasy lies the head that wears a frown”.
Surprisingly and contrary to public perception, disability is not always synonymous with dependency. The world has moved on from when disability was considered debilitating. In today’s world there are all kinds of facilities, equipment and opportunities for the disabled to be celebrated as differently abled, giving them freedom and independence of action. More importantly, today’s society is so inclusive that the differently abled are integrated into it. The Paralympics is a shining example of affirmative action to honour and celebrate the undaunted spirit of the differently abled. Please track the Paralympics in Paris from 28th August until 8th September.
Four years back, in August 2020, I wrote FC 009 on Disabilities. Please take time out to read using 🔗this link.
That’s it for now. Let me end this on a lighter note:
A girl goes to a therapist and complains, “I don’t want to marry, I am educated, independent and self-sufficient. I don’t need a husband, but my parents are asking me to marry. I want to be a free bird. What should I do?”
Therapist: “You, undoubtedly, will achieve great things in life. But sometimes things will not go the way you want. Sometimes you will go wrong. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes your plan won’t work. Sometimes your wishes will not be fulfilled. Then whom will you blame? Will you blame yourself?”
Girl: No
Therapist: “Yes, that’s why you need a husband.”
Now for a trademark PJ:
What do you call milk that supports freedom of religion?
Lactose and tolerant.
See you next week, folks! Take care. Feel free to express your independent views! Ciao!
The quality of truly free people is they take responsibility for their life decisions and dont judge others or play the blame game too much. They seem attached and passionate to their way of doing things without getting overly impacted by outcomes. I see this with a lot of senior leaders in companies, where the dependance needle shifts from Employee to almost an Owner - evolves into inter dependant and more equitable.
So as you said Pras, Independance is physical, Freedom is a state of mind!
Freedom and independence both are important. When i was younger. I grappled to have both depending on my situation, it was like walking on a razors edge. As I grew up AHEM!! matured I realised you can’t have your cake and eat it. Life taught me to draw the line and balance the two deftly. Like a tight rope walker.