Filter Coffee # 212

On When Paths Cross

Blue Ridge, GA

I am in Blue Ridge, a mountain town in northern Georgia, home to a thriving artistic community. Antique trains take people to nearby mountain villages along the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway. There are walking trails that one can take to enjoy the beauty. 🔗Take a look.

Talking about mountains, I am reminded of FC100 titled “Taking to The Hills”. If you haven’t read it yet, please use 🔗this link. 

FC 211 on Attitude of Indifference elicited comments with a difference. 

• Tarun Kunzru: “Interesting as always, Pras! Would it be fair to say that — extroverts start outside and then go inward, and the other way around for introverts? If the car keys are misplaced, the extrovert will say, 'Has anyone seen my keys?' before he starts figuring out where he could have left them. The introvert will first go to where he could have left them before asking for help. Customer contact points and experience are where fresh brand impressions are made. Service quality comes first, closely followed by product experience. Soft skill differences are always much more apparent.”

• Uma Shashikant: “Interesting observations and so eloquently shared! Cultural difference between the East and West, where relationships matter to the former, transactional efficiency matters to the latter. Minding one’s own business always, but smiling and saying hello if the other meets you in the eye, sums it up, I would think :)”

• Niharika Jain: “In a chaotic situation, which is out of one’s control, particularly when there is a lot of cacophony around you, one should learn to switch off and show indifference like a sage.”

🛣️ When Paths Cross

In ancient times, people travelled on foot and often crossed each other’s paths. While they greeted each other and even shared the same tree to rest in its shade, they would consider it inauspicious if they crossed the path of a person with a disease or an undesirable occurrence of superstitious belief. 

I recall now, with a shudder, that in the early fifties, some elders considered it a bad omen if a widow crossed their path as they set out in pursuit of some good purpose. Fortunately, and hopefully too, such practices are a thing of the past, though I am told that some still prevail in certain areas where the self-proclaimed feudal lords rule the roost, feeding on the ignorance of the people subjugated to them. I am sure there are many such deplorable practices of which my readers, too, are aware.

Some of you may remember the anecdote of Osho, the spiritual guru to many, answering a question posed by a member of the congregation. The member asked, “Should one believe that if a cat crosses one’s path, it doesn’t augur well?” Osho is said to have replied, “It depends on whether you are a man or a mouse”.

Over time, ‘paths cross’ has served as a metaphor for unexpected meetings and those that happened more by chance than by design. Not all such chance meetings are pleasant. Some may be resented. A chance meeting with the ‘old flame’ when a person is in the company of his wife can cause discomfiture, more so when he finds himself obligated to introduce her to his wife. The questions that he might have to face later would be as pleasurable as being in a dentist’s chair.

‘May our paths cross’ is wishful thinking, but ‘Wait. One day our paths will cross’ can be rather ominous. Emotions apart, the paths that one crosses in life bring back memories, good or bad or both, of a past encounter. An estranged couple, when their paths cross, finds good times, bad times, bitter fights and some regret, all of them flashing through their minds. They may either turn their backs on each other or make small conversation, lending some respectability to that chance encounter.

A chance encounter with a person who has been evasive after borrowing from you can be quite different. If the borrower is aggressive and not too concerned about his reputation, you are likely to avoid crossing his path, and if you do, you may find yourself moving on. If you were the type to take the borrower to the cleaners, you would tongue-whip him. In either case, the chance meeting is something you wish to forget sooner rather than later.

In Western culture, people take a chance meeting in stride. A polite exchange of greetings is all that one can expect. Contrast this with someone crossing your path in India. If the person is not very close to you or you don’t rank him more than a casual acquaintance, you are likely to adopt the Western approach. But if he is a long-lost friend or someone you are very happy to meet, it may lead to going to a nearby coffee shop to continue the conversation and end with an invitation to visit or write to each other and a selfie to cherish.

Paths crossing, in my view, need not be an in-person occurrence. It could be coming across or knowing someone in the course of a conversation, which leads you to connect with that person. This happened to my wife and many people that I know of when they heard of the virtual platform where Saurabh Bothra has been taking yoga to their homes and explaining its relevance to all sections of people and age groups. He has more than 200 thousand yoga enthusiasts. Every day, he offers lessons in yoga tailor-made to suit different age groups and those with different health conditions. I think it could benefit you immensely. Please visit 🔗Habuild and attend a few free classes to decide for yourself. For 4K annually, it is a steal.

‘Small world’ and ‘paths cross’ appear synonymous. When we meet someone most unexpectedly, we utter, “Oh! Small world!”. If the meeting helps us in some way, we try to keep the connection alive. This may also lead to a ‘wanton path cross’ when you make a conscious effort to return a favor by reaching out to that person by crossing his path.

Paths cross when you meet a known person or an acquaintance after a long time, that’s easily understood. But what about crossing paths with a total stranger? This happens to all of us at some time or another. We have met someone, but it was a fleeting interaction, soon forgotten. On the other hand, if we meet a stranger who makes a difference to us in some way, we consider it a serendipitous event. I remember meeting a US lawyer during a conference who helped me look at issues differently. We interacted for some years before he passed away, but his wife is still a close friend of ours. Meetings from which you benefit in some way are truly chance encounters. 

Do paths cross in cyberspace? I would think so. How else can you explain the good and bad encounters that happen on various dating apps and matrimonial websites? One could argue that it is something we choose to do. Sure, but do we know whom we wish to meet? That’s the chance one takes. Good and bad experiences are plenty. If the matrimonial exploration results in meeting the right boy or the right girl, we thank the stars who took us down that path.

Regardless of how paths cross, whether in the real world or cyberspace, if the resultant experience has been bad or has resulted in someone going down the wrong path, you consider that path cross to be unfortunate, and you may curse your stars. If you went down a path preparing yourself for an unlucky outcome, that would be a case of zemblanity [I found this word when I was searching for an antonym to serendipity]. For instance, you threaten one of your staff with dismissal in the hope that he will mend his ways, but when he leaves your service in a huff, it may be an outcome that you had anticipated in the back of your mind.

Various expressions describe a path cross, though with different connotations. They include:

‘meet unexpectedly’, ‘run into’, ‘bump into’, and ‘chance upon’. I am not sure if it would qualify as a path-cross if you went to a party hoping to meet a particular person. You may bump into them, or you may not. If you did not have that person in mind, but you did meet them, you have had a ‘chance meeting’ with them. Likewise, if you are on a beach and you meet that person at the coffee counter, you could say “I ran into them”.

Dear Readers. Our paths cross every week, and I am grateful for that. I look forward to your comments and hope you might share your experiences.

Now to end in a lighter vein:

Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance

See you next week, Ciao!