Filter Coffee #250

On What’s in a Name?

Bengaluru

FC 249 on ‘Bonding’ fetched a few comments.

Dr.Naina: “Loved your wonderful piece on bonding in this edition of FC on a lovely morning after a rainy night with birds chirping in the trees outside my balcony. Bonding is so important in today’s busy world to overcome all negative feelings and isolation.”

Lakshmi Raman: “I enjoyed reading about the warmth of a bonding relationship in your FC. We may relate to many people, be cordial to others, and be friendly with many others, but we bond with only a few. To me, bonding is when I meet this friend or cousin (or dear relative) months or years later, and we are able to pick up where we left off without missing a beat. In my case, it is more with friends than relatives.”

Damandeep: “This one got me thinking, especially the contrast between bonding and bondage. I’ve seen that subtle line blur in real life — what starts as closeness sometimes morphs into dependence, and not always in a healthy way. The bit about siblings resonated, too. In my own family, we’ve had moments where one sibling was more bonded with another sibling because of personality and emotional wiring. It shaped how we each opened up, or didn’t. This Sunday’s filter coffee was both reflective and gently provocative. This nudges us to revisit some of our relationships and attitudes with a little more awareness.”

This is the 250th post. Perhaps a milestone. I was not sure what to call it. Then I thought….

🗨️ What's in a name?

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
- William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

Way back in the 60s, certain surnames were discarded. Like I would have had a surname of Iyengar and my friend would have the surname Iyer. Other surnames were also casualties of this movement. Many continued to retain these surnames. I would, too, but for the decision of my elders, over which I had no control. We were given a paranoid explanation that these surnames betrayed the caste, and doors to opportunities may not have opened.

I am not sure how sound this approach was, but as I see around me today, many have caste-based surnames. Whether that alone assures or retards career progression is a question that remains in the realm of speculation.

Customary names that linked a person to a religion also changed over time and were replaced by names considered neutral. Some resorted to a ‘name change’ and complied with the associated formalities like swearing to an affidavit, paper & gazette publications.

Brides were expected to adopt the surname of their husbands as a matter of course. But this is changing. Many prefer to retain their maiden name. I once asked a much-married girl the reason for retaining her maiden name. Her tongue-in-cheek response was, “Who knows the future of our marriage? If I take the trouble of changing my name to adopt my husband’s surname, I have to go through the hassle of complying with various formalities to restore my original identity. Why bother?”

I asked another bride-in-waiting if she would change her surname if so demanded by the husband-to-be. She was quite indignant and said such a demand would be misogynistic and would be subjugatory. She wondered why men should not adopt the surname of their wives. That would make them feminists of the best kind.

A son of an estranged couple was rather livid at the insulting & intimidating behaviour of his abusive father. He did not wish to be identified with the father, and he went on to adopt his mother’s name as his surname.

Certain communities follow the practice of giving their daughter-in-law a new first name. It is supposed to be a symbolic gesture of welcoming her into the family. In reality, it is perceived as an assertion of authority by the husband’s family over the persona of the daughter-in-law. The assertion does not stop there. When a baby is born, the naming rights rest solely with the husband and his family and rarely does the wife’s opinion matter. This is more pronounced in a joint family as opposed to a nuclear one, where both husband & wife do research and decide on a unique name. Since sex determination is outlawed, they pick two of them, one if it’s a boy and the other if it’s a girl.

Whenever I come across a unique name, I wonder what’s in that name and what it stands for. I came across the name Akira, and when I googled, I learnt that in Japanese it means ‘bright’ or ‘intelligent’ and is used mostly for male children, though it can be for female children as well. I think it should befit the female child who is certainly ‘bright’ & ‘intelligent’ 😀

Surnames can be fascinating if one tries to trace their origins. A metal worker is a ‘Smith’. The Surname ‘Li’ is common among the Chinese and means ‘beauty’ or ‘plum’. Among Indian communities, Parsis are taking the top spot for having unique, quirky surnames. Unlike other religions, they didn’t have the custom to take an ancestral surname or any common surname; instead, they revealed much about their profession or their way of life through their surnames.

The etymology of Parsi surnames is fascinating. One could relate a few to trades and professions: Doctor, Engineer, Driver and Lawyer. There was a well-known Lawyer in Mumbai called Mr. Engineer. Certain surnames are derived from the place the family hailed from. Umrigar is derived from Umra, a village near Surat, One could make connections between surnames and place names like ‘Billimorias’ from Billimora, ‘Udwadias’ from Udvada, ‘Satarawallas’ from Satara, ‘Bharuchas’ from Bharuch and so on. The word ‘Tata’ means cheerful, ‘Mistry’ is an architect. The surname ‘Cama’ is similar to the Sanskrit word ‘Kama’, meaning desire. ‘Bhabha’ means ‘radiance’ or ‘light’.

Beyond signifying who we are, names can subtly influence how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. Studies have shown that people with names considered ‘attractive’ or ‘desirable’ are often judged more favourably in social settings. Conversely, names associated with particular ethnicities or socioeconomic backgrounds can trigger unconscious biases.

The power of names is harnessed in the art of branding. Businesses choose names carefully to evoke positive associations in the minds of consumers. Think about names like Apple or Google, which carry connotations of innovation and accessibility. Naming a new product or service involves a long validation process, and there is no assurance that you will hit upon the right name. Just look at how often people ask for a ‘Kleenex’ instead of tissue paper, or how we request ‘Post-it Notes’ instead of sticky notes. On the flipside, the generalisation of Kleenex as tissue paper or Xerox for photocopying dilutes the unique appeal of that brand. One has to choose the perfect product name to position oneself as a leader in the market.

Naming their pets is a serious matter for all pet owners. Considering they are family, pet owners may do some research to make sure the name is not taken by another pet in the vicinity and is not the same as the boy or girl next door. It is a separate matter that a person bought a dog just to name it Vicky, much to the irritation of the guy next door. Why use a pet to spite someone?

Renaming Cities, Roads, Airports and other utilities is guided by the whims and fancies of the party in power. It doesn’t matter how many are named after one celebrity. M G Road is by far the most popular, one can find it in every city or town. At times, the fervour surrounding the naming may seem too much. What’s in a name? An airport is an airport by whatever name called. Unlike coffee, which is not the same as filter coffee 😉

Before signing off, let me, as usual, end it on a lighter note. When it comes to names, I love Ajit Jokes. The guy who played hero and villain was someone who got plenty of whistles in the cinema hall. Here are two of his jokes (Non-Hindi speaking readers, please excuse):

Raabert: Boss, mujhe twins huen hain, unke naam kya rakhoon ?
Ajit: Ladke hai to rakhdo: Peter aur Re-peter, Ladkiya ho to rakho: Kate aur Dupli-kate

Raabert: Boss, mera teen ladke huen hain, kya naam rakhoon?
Ajit: Pehle do ka naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur theesre ka rakho Wang Chung.

Raabert: Teesra ka naam ‘Wang Chung’ kyoo boss???!!!
Ajit: Bewakuf, tumhe malum nahi...is prithvi me paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.

One for the English-speaking:

A man comes to the birth registration office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: “Euro.”

"The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.

Says the father: “There were no objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank.”

Readers, please share your anecdotes on names. Naming names, I believe is fine, but calling names is best avoided. Until next week, take care & be safe! Ciao!