Filter Coffee #026

On The Great Conjunction, & Friends

Dear Readers,

The recap of the previous editions was well received and many have congratulated me. I am very grateful for the kind words of encouragement. It was very rewarding to get requests for some of the previous editions. I request you to please click on the link provided for each edition and it will take you to the edition that you would like to read. For instance, if you want to read FC #007, you just have to click on that. I request you to please forward the 25th edition to your friend and request them to subscribe. I have 957 recipients and would like that number to hit 1000.

'Great Conjunction': Earthlings treated to rare alignment of Jupiter and Saturn

On the evening of 21st December this rare wonder occurred. My son, Abhay Prasanna, shared some thoughts and some articles about this:

Astronomy has always had astrology tag along beside it, and of course one many find themselves on either side of the argument - whether in rational scientism about the lack of falsifiable evidence, or in mystical apprehension of what may be true in any of it. Either way, a cosmic shift such as the Great Conjunction that we just experienced is a humbling event for us Earthlings. And it’s interesting to see what prognosticators have to say about what is to come in the 20s and beyond.

For a more grounded take, read this article about The Turbulent Twenties - while it is written from the point of view of America, there are some great insights here around how to look at current events in light of a broader arc. A great quote:

“What we need is a new social contract that will enable us to get past extreme polarization to find consensus, tip the shares of economic growth back toward workers and improve government funding for public health, education and infrastructure.”

And to see what the astrological shift might represent, this is a balanced essay in The Guardian that lays it out.

“In astrological terms, Jupiter signifies expansion, growth, and coherence – but can also lead to cancerous hypertrophy. Saturn represents the opposite principle, of limitation, structure, and containment, often considered the cruel taskmaster of the zodiac. Together they are like life and death, warp and weft, and their conjunctions signal key moments in the formation of collective reality.”

🤝 Friends

In this edition I would like to present a few perspectives on how we may be able choose a friend but cannot choose or predict who will be our enemy. The human relationships are so complex that we find ourselves caught at different times in the web of kindness, treachery and unconditional love. How does one define the word ‘friend’? You could assign your own meaning to each of its letters like: faithful, reliable, irreplaceable, ethical, no-nonsensical, dependable. 

You may have known a person living in the same building or working in the same office but that person is at best an acquaintance and by no means a friend, as yet. So, how does an acquaintance morph into being a friend? Much depends on how you warm up to that person and how that person reciprocates.

Certain common denominators help. If both individuals share certain common interests it is likely that the interaction will be easy and frequent. But one should be careful to not expect that person to be a clone. It is in fact better that each individual has certain special interests but both share many common interests. 

The fact that a person has certain common interests with you does not make him a ‘friend’ in the real sense of the term. Just as you are looking to become a friend of a person, it is equally important that he or she too shares that desire to be your friend. Take for example a ‘book club’ where people meet periodically to discuss a book that all of them have read. They enjoy each other’s company and enjoy discussing the book but it does not automatically make them a group of friends. If you asked one of them “Is Mrs. X your friend?”, the answer might well be “No, not really, but she is a member of our book club”. This reminds me of the quote by our late President Dr.Abdul Kalam

“One best book is equal to a hundred good friends but one good friend is equal to a library.”

Friendship develops at different points in time. Like childhood friends, college friends, office friends, business friends etc. The chances of a childhood friend being your friend all through your life is entirely dependent on both of you staying in the same town and frequently interacting with each other and sharing life’s experiences with each other. Whether you are still in contact with your childhood friends now or not, those memories will forever bind you together. 

Whilst college friends are a genre that we mostly cherish and stay connected, friends at office or in business are somewhat prone to distance themselves from you if you are in some kind of trouble or face-off with the establishment, for fear of some collateral damage to them. I can say from my clients’ experience that it would be foolhardy to assume that your business partner is your friend. In fact in my previous issue I said that getting into partnership with a close friend or a family member is often fraught with bitterness.

Friendship among men is seen as different from friendship among women. Jane  Fonda says:

“ Friendship between women is different than friendship between men. We talk about different things. We delve deep. We go under, even if we haven’t seen each other for years. There are hormones that are released from women to other women that are healthy and do away with the stress hormones. It’s my women friends that keep starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be. We have to just hang together and help each other.”

Men’s friendship sometimes is cemented by a passion that they both nurture. It could be racing cars, Cricket, Golf, Tennis or swimming that keep them together, and if one stops the activity for some reason, it affects the other in a very strange way as if he too might give up playing.

In my earlier issue I had referred to the quote ‘neither a borrower nor a lender be’. In friendship it is a recipe for disaster if you borrowed money from a friend and failed to repay. You then lose the friendship and your own self esteem.

Similarly, a business partner should not be confused for a friend. The relationship is transactional and not emotional.

Tiruvalluvar, Tamil poet who lived at least 1500 years ago says in his Tirukkural:

“What matters whether we win or lose the friendship of the unsympathetic who show love when it profits them and withhold it when it does not” – Kural 812

The famous television personality Oprah says:

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when you no longer have the limo.” 

Fair-weather friends and friends in need are diametrically opposite creeds. The former alludes to those who hover around you pretending to be your friends and when you are no longer relevant to them they will unashamedly turn their backs on you. The latter alludes to those friends who stick by you in good and bad times and don’t hesitate to counsel you, correct you, encourage you and do everything within their power to abide by you.

Good friends tell you what you need to hear rather than trying to flatter you. You can trust what your friend says, even when it hurts. But your enemies want to hurt you, even when they act nice. (Biblical saying).

Let me end this with a story from friendship.org.

There were two friends who were walking across a desert. While they were walking they got into an ugly argument and out of anger one of them slapped the other on the face. 

The one who was slapped, though was hurt he did not say anything and quietly wrote over the sand “I am hurt because today my friend hit me in my face”. They resumed walking and kept walking until they came across an oasis. They decided to take a bath in the oasis then. 

While they were taking bath the one who had gotten slapped started drowning. The other friend came to his rescue and saved him. After he got rescued, he wrote on the stone “Today I was saved by my best friend”.

The other friend asked him, “Why did you write on the sand when I slapped you while you wrote on the stone when I saved you?” Upon this, the other friend replied that it's better we write on sand when your friend hurts you as it will be gone with the wind, but write it on stone when your friend does something good to you so that it could be engraved forever.

My best friends are like fairy tales, they have been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.

Thank you dear readers for your friendship and your good wishes. See you next week!