Filter Coffee #086

On Horse sense and Gift Horses

Dear Readers,

FC #85 on Shopping Complex was well received. Thank you!

• Krupa Murthy says: “I do love shopping for the heck of it and online shopping is convenient but not ideal. I love giving gifts on specific occasions to specific people not because I have to, but because I love to.”

• H. Narayanan makes a point when he says: “There are some who are motivated by discounts irrespective of whether goods advertised are needed or not.”

• Vasanth Cavale thinks FC #85 was well written with very familiar examples. Thank you, Vasanth.

• Rajesh Bagga says: “After all the innuendos on the wife, had you not included the bit about credit cards, it would have been a safety issue for sure.”

Mercifully, both men and women who read my post have been very understanding and appreciative of the balanced approach I maintained.

• Shahji says that much of what I have written may well be about his own shopping experiences, and he goes on to say: “I couldn’t fail to note how you were able to read my mind and make me feel that you are describing my visit to the shopping mall with my dear wife.” Thank you, Shahji. That’s indeed a great compliment.

• Tarun Kunzru says: “Window shopping is great... No arguments, kills time and costs no money. Plus, no need to carry umpteen bags full of mostly unnecessary merchandise.”

• S G Murali says: “When we got married we were in Calcutta and while shopping I used to show off my ability to speak Bengali and negotiate. In Rashbehari/Gariahat one has to start at 20% of the price quoted. Padma will select the item and quietly move out, leaving me to negotiate. When we went abroad for the first time, we had a big shopping list. Now everything is available in India, and we buy souvenirs only.”

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🐴 Horse Sense

According to phrases.org, the phrase, ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’ dates back to 1546. It simply means that you should not be critical of a gift, even if you disliked it. 

As horses develop, they grow more teeth and their existing teeth begin to change shape and project further forward. So, when you are given a horse, if you look in its mouth you are basically trying to find out if you are being handed an old animal which may cost you a packet to maintain.

Horsefeathers is another word for nonsense, and horse sense is another word for common sense. One could say that it is horsefeathers and against horse sense to look the gift horse in the mouth.

Horse sense is a phrase that dates back to 1805 when it was used by Evelyn Malcolm in his novel ‘Forsaken’ which was published in the London Story Paper. It seems to have found its way to the US in 1870. The New York magazine ‘The Nation’ offered a corroborative view of the expression's origin: “The new phrase — ‘horse-sense’ is applied to the intellectual ability of men who exceed others in practical wisdom.”

W C Fields put it humorously so,

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.”

Harry Truman said,

“My favourite animal is the mule. He has more horse sense than a horse. He knows when to stop eating — and he knows when to stop working.”

This joke sort of puts horse sense in perspective:

An out-of-towner whose car went into a ditch asked for help from a farmer who was walking with a big old horse named Benny. The farmer hitched Benny to the bumper and yelled “Pull, Nellie, pull”. Benny did not budge. Then he yelled, “Pull, Ranger, pull”. Benny did not move. Then, rather softly, he called out to the old horse “Okay, Benny, you can pull now” and the car came out of the ditch. As he thanked the farmer, the man asked him why he called the horse first by two other names. The farmer said, “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try.”

Even if a person has not had formal education, they can display a great sense of judgement. Their ability to assess a situation and decide on the course of action is attributed to the horse sense that they develop as they grow up. Their reaction to people and situations are intuitive, yet based on their assessment of the practical outcomes. While the display of valour is a subset of impulsive behaviour, discretion is a product of intuitive commonsensical thinking. If one were to contrast ego with horse sense, one might find either ego eclipsing horse sense or horse sense tempering the ego, leading to more rational behaviour. Ego is about holding someone else responsible for a failure, instead of accepting one's own faults, while horse sense is about analysing the reasons for the failure, learning lessons from the mistake made and preventing its recurrence. Horse sense is an upgraded version of common sense if one were to go by the belief that horse sense is practical wisdom.

I have the horse sense to stop talking about it endlessly. 

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🎁 Gift Horses

Let me now bring up the way some people react to gifts. Most people put on a smile when receiving a gift that did not measure up to their expectations. But any discerning gift-giver can make out from the smile that the gift did not measure up.

But how can a smile betray one’s feelings? Simply because, if the eyes are not in sync with the smile, it becomes obvious that the person is not pleased with the gift but is being polite. However, given the pandemic, people can hide their feelings behind a mask. Literally!

There are a number of scenarios where people look the gift horse in the mouth. Some of these statements may ring a bell:

Oh! Thanks for the t-shirt, but I don’t like pockets.
Thanks for the lovely frock. I like it, though I have a similar one in another colour.
Thanks for giving me the alarm clock. Timely, but where are the battery cells?
Thanks for giving me a ride but do you mind making a slight deviation to drop me off at my office?
I enjoyed my stay at your place. You may want to change the mattress; it sags.

Dear Readers, if you recall such instances, please write in.

You may have come across wedding invitations where there is a footnote that reads “Blessings Only”. Now anyone receiving the invitation is in two minds whether to carry a gift or not. To be on the safer side, you carry a bunch of flowers and stand in the serpentine queue. You notice that many ahead of you, some are holding gift-wrapped boxes and some are seen handing over ‘covers’. You curse the person who put that ambiguous caveat. Furthermore, you seek counsel from your wife who had suggested giving flowers, only to be told that “It is their mistake. You spent Rs.400 on the bouquet. We could have given that in cash had we not been misled.” The queue is moving rather slowly, and eventually, you reach the couple and proffer the bouquet. And, someone standing behind the girl virtually snatches the bouquet and says with a twisted smile, “So sorry, the bride has pollen allergy.” You apologise and commiserate and stand for the mandatory photo with the couple. You then proceed to the dining hall, and you notice a friend of yours having dinner. You unburden your pollen experience only to be told by the friend, “Flowers are a waste. They will leave all that behind in a heap.” As you head towards the dining table, you get an ear full from your wife, “Who asked you to tell the whole world that you gave flowers? And why did you apologise when you gave the flower? Was it your mistake?” You say sorry but can’t help wondering how your one friend became the whole world. You know that if you don’t say sorry even if you are not, you will be sorry. Some months later you are shown the wedding album, and you see the photo that was taken of you both on stage with the couple, and only you know why your smiles resembled a grimace.

When we got married some aeons ago, we were given the same gift by different people. It was a lamp with red liquid in it and when you switched on the light, the particles in the liquid shimmered (a downgraded version of the lamp in the picture you see). We got six or eight of them, and we gave them away to others who liked it. It is not that we were looking the gift horse in the mouth, but we had no use for so many horses and had to find other stables to tether them in.

This reminds me of a scene from a movie of the 60s. The father invites all his friends and neighbours for lunch to celebrate his son’s aksharabhyasam (initiation to writing). To his horror, most of the invitees bring black slates (they were popular then) with a box of chalk. He was expecting value for money spent on food.  In today’s context, one would have mirthfully remarked that the son can now start each day with a clean slate!

The most challenging gift for both the giver and taker is the gift to be given for gruhapravesam, aka house-warming ceremony. Traditional items like silver or brass lamps, a set of stainless-steel plates, bedsheets with pillow covers and the like are no longer the favourites. They are replaced by glasslock containers, serving bowls, flower vases, a bar set with an ice bucket, salt & pepper grinder, scented candles, etc. There are a few who give pressure cookers, a French press or non-stick pans. Of course, the easy and preferred way out for both parties is to give gift vouchers. Sometimes we ask ourselves, “What to give them? They are rich and have everything.”

Well, the list of occasions and the variety of gifts given are endless. I leave it to the readers to share their unique experiences. For now, gift yourself an uneventful week. See you next Sunday.