Filter Coffee #119

On Children's Day

FC #118 evoked some good comments:

Tarun Kunzru says: Physical walls are for security but mental walls are limiters. An open mind is creative and helps build bridges. 

Prabha Prasad Says: Walls do have both positive & negative connotations. While a wall can give you safety & security, it could at the same time be restricting & stifling. A wall falling, like the Berlin Wall, opened up a host of bridges that reunited families and friends.

S G Murali says: Breaking the Berlin Wall was a historic event in our lifetime.  But “the Wall” all cricket fans love is our Rahul Dravid. In a Tamil film, two brothers fight and a wall comes up in their joint family house.  Like all happy ending films, the wall is broken and everyone is clapping with joy. [I think there is also a Hindi movie ‘Batwara’]

Krupa Murthy says: Your FC 118 on Walls & Bridges makes brilliant reading and the title can be interpreted to mean ‘negativity & positivity’. FC has helped us build bridges with many people whose comments and opinions enlighten us and open up a window to the world. 

Murali Neelakantan says: In the days when the Chinese were viewed with suspicion, my boss at the time, a partner in an international law firm in London, when Chinese walls were mentioned, remarked - don’t forget that there are Chinese on both sides of the Chinese wall. That remark will always stay with me and I remember it every time there is financial fraud and the defence is that there were robust Chinese walls. Your Sunday morning posts are becoming a habit. 

Karthik says: Even though walls feature in our homes and offer security, it is ironic that their meaning is negative. While bridges, which rarely feature in our interactions, are considered positive.

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Children’s Day

Monday, November 14th is for celebrating children and wishing them well. In an earlier post (Filter Coffee #020), I did write about Children’s day.

I am extremely concerned for the children of today, particularly those who live in rural areas and remote corners of India. Despite stringent laws, children are being abused in more ways than one. Besides child labour & child marriage, there are issues like child trafficking and horrific acts of sexual abuse, which paved the way for the enactment of the Protection Of Children from Sexual Offences Act 2012 (POCSO Act). It is an Act to protect children from offences of sexual assault, sexual harassment, and pornography and provide for the establishment of Special Courts for the trial of such offences. There are also instances of a child becoming a victim of horrendous superstition and being sacrificed.

Enforcement of these laws and expeditious trial of offences (bringing the culprits to book) is abysmally inadequate. In terms of size, children constitute 40% of our population, and they are the most vulnerable. Parents are a worried lot these days. If they are being accused of being overprotective it is not because all of them are paranoid but because the ecosystem is such that it does not guarantee adequate protection from any form of exploitation or victimisation.

Children of today undergo a lot of pressure. Not just the pressure of academics, but other forms of pressure. Too much is expected of them, and peer pressure makes them vulnerable. The last two pandemic years exposed children to radically different ways of learning. The virtual classes were a strain not just on the children, but also on the teachers. Thankfully, we have resumed normal schooling and one can see the joy and relief on the face of the kids. A teacher I spoke to made an interesting point. She said that children were denied the normal progression in grades during the pandemic. A child who was in the 5th standard found herself fast-forwarded to the 8th standard when normalcy was restored. This created a disconnect of sorts. She did not have the normal interface with the teachers and classmates, leading to adjustment issues.

We are in an era of formal and structured education. The curriculum has changed dramatically as compared to how it was when we studied, thus creating a knowledge gap. Consequently, some parents find themselves unable to help their children in their studies. There is so much stress on performance that academics dominate all other activities that help the child to become a rounded personality. It becomes the parent’s responsibility to inculcate in their children good manners, and habits and raise awareness about interpersonal skills, discrimination, inclusiveness and a host of other issues besides helping them deal with certain situations they may be exposed to. 

When we wonder what kind of world our children are going to inherit, we think of climate change, global warming and such similar issues that are much talked about with no affirmative action. I think it is good to sensitise our children to these concerns but more importantly, focus on educating our children about the situations where they may be exposed to inappropriate and predatory behaviour. Parents should encourage children to share with them their daily experiences of discomfort and not make them feel embarrassed to speak out. Experience sharing is a good way of making the child believe that it is a done thing to report to the parents or the teacher any incident that troubles the child.

When we were in school, there was no choice but to play outdoors. Nowadays, children are, at times, allowed uncontrolled access to the internet and television. Uncensored digital content can have a delirious effect on their minds. They may even develop phobias. Whilst some firewalls can restrict access to the internet, it may be useful and productive if during the initial stages one of the parents handholds and guides the child on what is appropriate and what might be inappropriate and relate inappropriateness to age so that they are not ready yet to venture into certain realms of information. Though parents keep a tab on the use of cell phones by their children, it is hard to monitor them all the time.

In our times, punishment of any kind was considered appropriate to inculcate a sense of discipline. That has undergone a sea change. Any kind of discipline is now considered not a done thing, and the teachers have a challenge on their hands on how to deal with indiscipline in class. ‘Classroom Management’ could be part of the curriculum in teacher training courses.

In my time, there was no PTA or any structured meeting between the parent and the teacher. The teacher had the last word. After my daughter and son started going to school, I attended a few PTA meetings, though most of them were attended by my wife. A PTA meeting is when you get one-on-one feedback on the student’s performance and certain observations regarding the behaviour and discipline. The teachers have moved away from complaining to the parent and instead, they are making the parent an ally in the process of dealing with behaviour issues. Highlighting the positive attributes helps soft-land some of the negative traits.

The teacher I spoke to mentioned that kids are at times rude, and it is not easy to rebuke or reprimand them openly. According to her, many parents say that their child is rude at home as well and are willing to work with the teacher to counsel the child. The word punishment is replaced with “consequence” making the child realise the consequences of her conduct. Right to kindness was a fresh approach that helped impress on the child how every other child had the right to be treated kindly.

“Circle Time” was another activity which resembled the “drop the handkerchief game” wherein the child behind whom the scarf was found was asked to discuss something of interest, thereby inculcating a sense of camaraderie among the students and making them confident of their ability to express themselves.

In our time, punishment was on the spot. But now, both parents and students dislike being ticked off in public over minor aberrations in the class. It is always useful to have a chat in private and communicate with the student in a responsive way. 

Teacher’s day is celebrated on the 5th of September every year, and it is common for students to wish Happy Teachers’ Day. How happy the teachers are now dependent on how tactfully they handle matters of discipline in the classroom without getting upset. I wrote about teacher’s day, among other things, in Filter Coffee #062.

Excursions and outdoor activities which involve the teachers help in bridging the communication gap. The student and the teacher meeting in a non-academic setting can develop a more profound understanding, and that might help the student to believe that the teacher may be disappointed if he or she fails in the teacher’s eyes.

The three-way relationship between the student, the parent and the teacher can be fraught with tension for all of them. If that tension is used to gain traction by engaging all the actors in an open conversation, that might help build bridges and bring down the walls that tend to separate them, as I mentioned in FC #118.

I am no expert in matters that I have touched upon. I have shared my views, which may be at variance with the views my readers may have. Please share your views.

Before I conclude, here’s something mirthful:

• During my school days, after getting the first beating on my hands from the teacher, I used to wipe my hands on my trousers and then only take the second one. I was very particular about cleanliness

• My teachers were very fond of reading what I had written... They would make me write it a hundred times so that they can read it again and again…

See you next week! Take care.

PS: Gen Alpha is the tech-savvy generation. They are kids born between 2010 & 2024, and they are influential and are shaping family lifestyle choices. Urge you to read: Gen Alpha calls the shots - Mint Lounge.