Hello Readers! FC #128 elicited a few interesting comments:
Lakshmi Raman says: “Some people become control freaks in an area because, in other areas of their life, things are falling apart. Or, because they feel the other person is better, more qualified, more liked by people than themselves, then controlling that other person gives them such a kick! I've experienced being controlled by both types in my own life - and got out of the situations too!”
Tarun Kunzru says: “Control freaks kill the initiative and creativity of their team members. Also, ownership shifts from the controlled to the controller. The secret of success lies in making everybody feel important and relevant. This comes with sharing and trusting.”
Prabha Prasad says: “Life becomes a disaster for the controlled if any of the following is a control freak…. Either of the spouses, parents & even the boss. The ‘ contrôlée’ loses his/her creativity and self-confidence.”
Shereyar says: “Dear Pras, another silver bullet. I have spent considerable time with control freaks in the corporate world. I have learned that not many understand the difference between delegation and empowerment.”
Prof. Shashi Mohanty sums it up in one sentence: “Micromanaging is like frying small fish. The more you poke, the more you spoil the taste.”
Very
Are you wondering how this ordinary word can be the subject matter of my post? Well, this ordinary word has extraordinary connotations, and I'm quite fascinated by its use and misuse, if not abuse.
Very is an adverb that means “of high degree” and as an adjective, it could mean “actual”, “precise”, “extreme”, “mere” and so on.
Most Indians (including me) use “very” very frequently. When we say “thank you” we end up saying “thank you very much”. Now, “much” means something large or to a large extent. When we say “very much” we are actually using two words, which perhaps makes the phrase emphatic. Interestingly, at least I believe, we use “very much” more to please the person who is being thanked or spoken to than being sincere about it. If someone says plain vanilla “thanks”, I may think he is saying it mechanically as if it is customary to utter that word to prove that one is well-mannered.
Mark Twain is supposed to have given this advice to writers: "Substitute 'damn' every time, every time (sic) you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete ‘damn’ and the writing will be just as it should be."
— John Willard, in his book on English Usage, 2017. (available in India on Amazon)
Very came to English from the 13th-century French word verai, which in modern French is vrai. The ultimate Latin root is verus, meaning “true”. If you told someone “I am very sorry for your loss” you could actually be meaning “truly sorry”.
Very is used to intensify a feeling or an opinion or one’s views. You could say “I am very very sorry”. If you forget the birthday of your girlfriend or wife, you could say “I am very very very sorry”. If you disagree with what someone said, you could say “I am very sorry, I don’t agree with you”. Referring to situations, you could say “it is very cold” or say “I am very busy”. Interestingly, if you told someone “it is very cold” that person may respond “yes, it is cold”. What makes people use very in conjunction with sorry? Not sure of the answer to this. Perhaps they feel a plain “I am sorry” lacks sincerity or sounds mechanical? Or is it because “I am sorry” is an instinctive response founded on civility and is not specific to an individual situation?
Very is used as an adverb to be specific about something. You could be telling your daughter, “at this very spot, I proposed to your mother”. As an adjective, it can be used to say, “I have a dress very similar to what is on display.” These sentences could have communicated the same meaning without very, but what very does is to impart specificity. Like “very similar dress” implies “an almost identical dress” Very can give a superlative meaning if used in conjunction with the or our. Like, this sentence: “The Swiss chocolates are the very best” or “We have our very own house in Bangalore.”
Many writers are not in favour of using very. They feel that not much effort is made to use the right word, and using very seems like an easy way out. “I was very afraid” could well be “I was terrified.” “The place is very clean” could be “The place is spotless”. I find this reasoning very compelling to look for words that obviate the need to use very. I do hope no one says, “very terrified”
There’s a 1989 movie called “Dead Poets Society”, starring Robin Williams. Here’s a quote from that film:
“So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. The language was invented for one reason, boys – to woo women – and, in that endeavour, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays.”
Florence King (Jan 1936 -Jan 2016) was an American novelist, essayist, and columnist. Her works include Southern Ladies and Gentlemen, Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady, With Charity Toward None, and A Fond Look At Misanthropy. According to Florence:
“Very’ is the most useless word in the English language and can always come out. More than useless, it is treacherous because it invariably weakens what it is intended to strengthen.”
Having bashed the word ‘very’, I feel not just sorry but very sorry and wish to make amends by pointing out that very provides meaningful emphasis. Like the sentence: “when she is bad she is very bad and when she is good she is very good”. Or, this sentence: “She was very late for her appointment.”
I had thought I would try not to use it very much, but I am very disappointed that I am forced to end this post here because the internet let me down badly, rather very badly. I sincerely hope that you will understand my plight and very much enjoy this post like you guys always do.
Let me end this in a lighter vein with a PJ: (don’t say aargh)
A train conductor was arrested for murdering a person on the train. He was tried and ordered to be given the electric chair treatment. When something went wrong, and it did not work, the guy even while staring at death says, “Everyone knows I am a bad conductor.”
Finally, not a very good poem
I dig.
He digs.
She digs.
We dig.
They dig.
Everyone digs.
I know it's not a very good poem, but it's very deep. 😉
See you guys next week! Wish you all a Very nice Sunday! Ciao.
Hi Prasanna!
To day's filter coffee is as interesting as always and I am of the opinion any emotion expressed
With too much emphasis loses its efficacy!
" Eat not to dullness, drink not to elevation-------
Moderation is the magical word!!
Have a good Sunday both of you.
‘Very’ nice.. while it’s ‘very’ compelling to let go ‘very’, there is not ‘very’ much I can do, as I’m ‘very’ hooked on it as a simple way of emphasis, instead scouting the dictionary for alternatives.. ;)