Hello Readers! FC #127 had its fair share of comments:
Shanti Dugar says: “Nice one, Pras! Creating a ‘bucket list’ keeps a person focused in putting efforts to accomplish those desired outcomes. Everyone should put a target date against each item in the bucket. There is a saying in Hindi ‘Kal kare so aaj kar, Aaj kare so ab. Pal mein pralay ho jayegi, phir karega kab.’ This literally means that whatever you want to do tomorrow, do it today and whatever you want to do it for today, do it just now.”
Shereyar Vakil says: “Dear Pras, years ago I had an intangible item on my bucket list that my grandson must be employed whilst I am still working. Fortunately for me, I was able to tick this item off the list as my grandson is now employed and working for an MNC. Incidentally, there was movie titled bucket list starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The movie ‘The Bridge on the River Kwai’ had a scene in which a soldier who was shot, ironically kicks the bucket.”
Prof.Shashi Mohanty says: “A bucket list is synonymous with a wish list. A collection of goals, dreams and aspirations one would like to accomplish within one’s lifetime. It can also include goal setting. A bucket list is not static, and it can keep on changing from time to time. An item in the list should be ’smart’ ie S specific | M measurable | A achievable | R realistic | and T timely.”
S G Murali’s list:
Learn Violin – vetoed by children in the absence of soundproof room. They feel neighbours will a file a case under “Prevention of Cruelty to Neighbours Act “
Learn Sanskrit – My granddaughter is my teacher. She has given up.
Cricket Commentary on TV- Ready but no offers yet.
Learn Cooking – Vetoed by my wife. She says I must learn to clean the kitchen first.
I hope all of you enjoyed celebrating Sankranti. I wrote about this festival in 🔗FC 29. Please read the post if you’d like to learn more.
✋ Control Freaks
In my first job in a public sector, I had to endure the breath on my back and it was quite annoying. The person I reported to suffered from some fear that I would make a mistake, and he would be held responsible. This paranoia made him a control freak. He wanted all his reportees to run past him all communications whether they be internal or external. To be fair, he did not take credit for anything he did not do and if someone said a good word about work, he would point to the person involved. This attitude of his made us tolerate his constant peering over our backs.
What makes a person a control freak? Fear of giving a free hand to the reportee? Fear of owning up responsibility for someone else’s mistake? Or is it plain and simple a desire to be in charge? From my own experience, I can say I have experienced all of it. Some control freaks want things done in a particular way, and they will be unrelenting until they get what they wanted.
The classical definition of a control freak according to the Free Dictionary reads: ‘someone who has an obsessive or compulsive need to control every aspect of a situation and or the way in which others act.’
Parents are often branded as control freaks. The normal disciplining is frequently detested by teenagers. Parental anxiety manifests in the communication parents have with their kids. This is usually mistaken as control. I agree that there cannot be any generalisation and not all parental directives are control measures. But viewed from a teenager’s position, most of the parental directives or advice or even suggestions can be seen as measures of control. So, is this a communication issue? Should parents unlearn the authoritative approach and adopt a reasoned approach? Can experience sharing put matters in perspective, making them more persuasive? Tough question.
Parenting the parents is another aspect of control. Some parents or parents-in-law are seen as control freaks when they comment on everything that happens around them and the way they interfere with the upbringing of the grandchildren. The daughter or the daughter-in-law may wish to follow the modern methods of upbringing, and they may want a free hand at bringing up the kids.
A control freak has 5 kids, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb?
There's no point in trying, none of them can change anything.
It is indeed very interesting to note that some parents, when they become grandparents, seem to forget they were control freaks and indulge big time spoiling the grandkids much to the dismay of the parents. If you wish to read my post on grandparents, please visit: 🔗FC #032
Process validation, checks and other systemic controls do not make a person a control freak. The real test is whether they are micromanaging and manipulating others to do their bidding. The problem lies in the fact that they have little or no trust in the team that works for him, and so his reluctance to delegate tasks and give the team a free hand. A control freak has an innate fear of failing if he disengages and allows people to do their jobs.
Control freaks never admit that they freaking control everything. On the contrary, they make it appear that they keep a close watch on everything happening around them, trying to make sure nothing is going wrong. They even point to the plaque on their table reading ‘the buck stops here’, without realising the import of that phrase, but insist that they need to have control over everything. They live under an illusion that but for the control they exercise, the ecosystem would have been seriously impaired.
Control freaks operate remotely if it suits them. They don’t mind holding the remote control and pressing the buttons as they wish. They also effectively use the fear of insubordination playing on the minds of the reportees. There are people who forget that they have a grown up daughter who is studying abroad, and give her a lecture on the dos and don'ts. The daughter can only roll her eyes and listen.
I am now wading into quick sand and asking : ‘are wives control freaks?’. Before I get to that, I must tell you that I have known a couple of husbands who are real control freaks. The wives have to put up with their tightfistedness, suspicious nature and general desire to control the wives. These husbands even boast about it to friends who refuse to believe him.
Some wives are often called “control freaks” if they display any or all of the following traits:
Wanting to know all about your movements and the company you keep
Reminds of your past follies to neutralise a disagreement and playing the victim card
Tells you that you are the reason she gets angry
If she makes a mistake, she blames it on you for not cautioning her
She calls you immature and incapable of making rational decisions
And so on.
Psychology Today has identified seven signs of a control freak:
He is not a team player | Feels 100% responsible for your success
Invests lot of time convincing others to change
Struggles to maintain healthy personal & professional relationships
Spends lot of energy trying to prevent something bad happening
Refuses to delegate
Lacks compassion for people who make mistakes
If you wish to read more on these seven aspects, please visit: 🔗7 Signs of a Control Freak | Psychology Today
Dear Readers, if you have worked with or known a control freak, please share your experience. Now on a lighter note:
Until next week, do take good care of yourself. Ciao!
Life becomes a disaster for the controlled if any of the following is a control freak….
Either of the spouses, parents & even the boss. The ‘ contrôlée’ loses his/her creativity and self confidence.
Some people become control freaks in an area because in other areas of their life, things are falling apart. Or because they feel the other person is better looking, more qualified, more liked by people than themselves, then controlling that person gives them such a kick! I've experienced being controlled by both types in my own life - and got out of the situations too!