Thanks for your FC so diligently penned despite other lentils to fry (using a benign and suggested aroma to prevent blending and spoiling other people’s taste buds) which is my BC (Bed coffee) which I savour and relish every Sunday morning whilst the rest of the household enjoy their Sunday cold winter morning sleep. It’s a great stimulant to begin the day and week with great gusto and cheer to know and resonate thoughts that there are people of your tribe up with the lark , much more older than thou and much more diligent, determined and hardworking and not to remain in your comfort zone of procrastination, complacency and inertia but to jump out of bed and move out for a breath of fresh air and move the body so used to a sedentary life- style post retirement with excuses galore ! Everything charged within body my BC this new year made some good new year resolutions today ( meant to be followed ) after reading your FC I’ll be less controlling with my grandson and family and give them their space in bringing up their son the way they would like to with advice only when solicited only and retract and divert my attention to things that deserve and prioritise on rather than impose my thoughts so that the home and other environs we encounter can go on everyday in a different style and be successful too with better and improved technology and sit back and enjoy the journey watching through their lenses . It truly will be a relaxed and pleasant journey when we choose not to do backseat driving but let the younger generation take charge of their lives and sit behind their own steering wheels ! Apt and well penned advice to many senior citizens who do not know to draw boundaries .
Wow!! What excellent observations. I'm truly flattered by the very kind words of appreciation and delighted that the post made you look at life and its controlling elements differently. Thank you Naina.
We all grow up and are never free from controls in one form or the other. It is an essential feature of social living. But the term ‘control freak’ narrows down the scope for discussion and conveys a negative meaning implying undue authority. Imagine my moral science teacher who exercised authority on me to help me grow up to be a good human being. It would have received all round support. The controls would have extended beyond the class when friends under the influence of the teacher kept an eye on you and snitched on you. Parents too extended support to such controls.
Or take for instance the concept of mentoring. The mentor exercising controls was welcome by all concerned. Including the mentee.
The concept of Model Village as conceived by Pratham Mysore was based on the belief that controls extended beyond the classroom and the teacher and became a social responsibility of the community.
Today the social structure has changed where any control or monitoring is considered interference.
The key element missing is communication and love in the heart. In Shashtri Vs Shastri, if only there was communication with ego under control accompanied with the true intent, there was no need for sadness.
If the term control freaks is replaced with the term monitoring for promoting good with love, it communicates an entirely different story with less pain and sadness. Leading to a much saner society and less policing !
I have always wondered how much of parenting is enough. Excessive paranting and no-parenting both have a lasting effect on the children for life, and I know cases of both.
As a kid, I grew up with no access to gadgets, walked miles or took a public transport to go to school and college. My parents while cared for our safety, never bothered to check where we were at any time and whether we reached school safely. They never showed their love for me in public or private. I was independent, and their arms-length attention, taught me self confidence and to a large extent, the ability to handle situations on my own.
Fast forward, with my own children, it is very different. They get all my attention, see my love and concern for them openly. They get things even when they have not asked for them. I feel sometimes that I'm being over protective and 'too caring'. While I may not be a 'helicopter-parent', their safety concerns me a lot, and I fuss over that all the time when they are not at home. My take when they are out of home is simple - "I do not care what you do or who you are with, as long as I know you are safe". I think they have grown to be independent in spite of all the attention they get. Time will tell, whether I am as successful as my parents. :)
As a teacher I have seen parents on both sides of the spectrum. On one hand a parent requests special meetings to discuss the progress of their ward, pouring over answer sheets, and scrutinising the loss of every mark in every subject. And on the other hand there are parents who are absent from their children’s lives, difficult to get a meeting with, the kids having unlimited time over social media and gaming. We may have all come across young parents who give their kids cell phones so they eat without a fuss. They tacitly introduce them to gadgets and later complain that the kids are on their devices too much!
Thanks for your FC so diligently penned despite other lentils to fry (using a benign and suggested aroma to prevent blending and spoiling other people’s taste buds) which is my BC (Bed coffee) which I savour and relish every Sunday morning whilst the rest of the household enjoy their Sunday cold winter morning sleep. It’s a great stimulant to begin the day and week with great gusto and cheer to know and resonate thoughts that there are people of your tribe up with the lark , much more older than thou and much more diligent, determined and hardworking and not to remain in your comfort zone of procrastination, complacency and inertia but to jump out of bed and move out for a breath of fresh air and move the body so used to a sedentary life- style post retirement with excuses galore ! Everything charged within body my BC this new year made some good new year resolutions today ( meant to be followed ) after reading your FC I’ll be less controlling with my grandson and family and give them their space in bringing up their son the way they would like to with advice only when solicited only and retract and divert my attention to things that deserve and prioritise on rather than impose my thoughts so that the home and other environs we encounter can go on everyday in a different style and be successful too with better and improved technology and sit back and enjoy the journey watching through their lenses . It truly will be a relaxed and pleasant journey when we choose not to do backseat driving but let the younger generation take charge of their lives and sit behind their own steering wheels ! Apt and well penned advice to many senior citizens who do not know to draw boundaries .
Wow!! What excellent observations. I'm truly flattered by the very kind words of appreciation and delighted that the post made you look at life and its controlling elements differently. Thank you Naina.
We all grow up and are never free from controls in one form or the other. It is an essential feature of social living. But the term ‘control freak’ narrows down the scope for discussion and conveys a negative meaning implying undue authority. Imagine my moral science teacher who exercised authority on me to help me grow up to be a good human being. It would have received all round support. The controls would have extended beyond the class when friends under the influence of the teacher kept an eye on you and snitched on you. Parents too extended support to such controls.
Or take for instance the concept of mentoring. The mentor exercising controls was welcome by all concerned. Including the mentee.
The concept of Model Village as conceived by Pratham Mysore was based on the belief that controls extended beyond the classroom and the teacher and became a social responsibility of the community.
Today the social structure has changed where any control or monitoring is considered interference.
The key element missing is communication and love in the heart. In Shashtri Vs Shastri, if only there was communication with ego under control accompanied with the true intent, there was no need for sadness.
If the term control freaks is replaced with the term monitoring for promoting good with love, it communicates an entirely different story with less pain and sadness. Leading to a much saner society and less policing !
Excellent observations Anna. It can be a post by itself.
I have always wondered how much of parenting is enough. Excessive paranting and no-parenting both have a lasting effect on the children for life, and I know cases of both.
As a kid, I grew up with no access to gadgets, walked miles or took a public transport to go to school and college. My parents while cared for our safety, never bothered to check where we were at any time and whether we reached school safely. They never showed their love for me in public or private. I was independent, and their arms-length attention, taught me self confidence and to a large extent, the ability to handle situations on my own.
Fast forward, with my own children, it is very different. They get all my attention, see my love and concern for them openly. They get things even when they have not asked for them. I feel sometimes that I'm being over protective and 'too caring'. While I may not be a 'helicopter-parent', their safety concerns me a lot, and I fuss over that all the time when they are not at home. My take when they are out of home is simple - "I do not care what you do or who you are with, as long as I know you are safe". I think they have grown to be independent in spite of all the attention they get. Time will tell, whether I am as successful as my parents. :)
Very nice Mani. Thanks for sharing your life experiences
As a teacher I have seen parents on both sides of the spectrum. On one hand a parent requests special meetings to discuss the progress of their ward, pouring over answer sheets, and scrutinising the loss of every mark in every subject. And on the other hand there are parents who are absent from their children’s lives, difficult to get a meeting with, the kids having unlimited time over social media and gaming. We may have all come across young parents who give their kids cell phones so they eat without a fuss. They tacitly introduce them to gadgets and later complain that the kids are on their devices too much!
Very pertinent points. We'll said.
The ability to use these styles judiciously (when and with whom) determines ones evolution - Control, Direct, Influence and Align.
At the most basic level it's control and command at the sophisticated level its influence and collaboration.