Filter Coffee # 211
On Attitude of Indifference
From Atlanta
Before I advert to FC 210, let me share a quote that Shubha Maudgal from Mumbai sent in the context of Trust & Faith, the topic of FC 209. The quote reads:
“Man says, ‘Show me and I will trust you’. God says, ‘Trust me and I will show you’”.
The first part of the quote may lend credence to people wanting some kind of evidence before they can trust someone or something but with God, you trust Him unflinchingly. One may characterise this trust in God as blind faith. But it hardly matters if you believe in a supernatural power by whatever name it is called. Trust, faith, and belief converge.
Shubha, by the way, is an IIT alumnus who has dedicated herself to the cause of cancer patients and is spearheading the initiatives of The Cancer Patients Aid Association (CPAA), Mumbai, to provide succour to the ailing patients. If you wish to know more about the organisation, please click here: 🔗https://cancer.org.in/
FC 210 on Independence & Freedom provoked some independent opinions and free thinking.
My fellow Mason, Subahu says that: “Freedom and independence are important human behaviour attributes.”
He says that when he was younger, he aspired for and enjoyed having both of them but it was like walking on a tightrope. When Subahu was economically independent, he was free to spend as he wished, but discretion tempered his urge to be open-fisted.Tarun Kunzru says: “The quality of truly free people is they take responsibility for their life decisions and don't judge others or play the blame game too much. They seem attached and passionate to their way of doing things without getting overly impacted by outcomes.”
Tarun has seen this in many companies, where the dependence needle shifts towards making the organisational processes interdependent and more equitable. He agrees with me that independence is physical, and freedom is a state of mind!
😑Attitude of Indifference
I travelled from Atlanta to Newark to spend a weekend with my cousin Kumar who lived in Hillsborough, in a 55-plus community. It is a type of community or housing development that is designed specifically for individuals aged 55 and older. Everything from floor plans and expected home maintenance to community events and resources all cater to older homeowners. None of them should have school-going children living with them. This is somewhat similar to the retirement communities that we see in India.
On the 16th of August, I took the United flight to Newark. I am not paranoid but I have always felt that the ground staff in the US are rather brusque if not rude. It may be because of their matter-of-business attitude and curt replies to the questions you pose. In India, we are used to getting more information than what we seek from our airline staff. Maybe we ask the same question in three different ways to check for consistency of response. It is not as if some of the Indian ground staff too are not brusque but when that happens, we are quick to vent our annoyance. That’s not the case with the staff in American airports. I witnessed the security escorting a guy who was arguing with the gate staff at one of the boarding gates. Imagine if an Indian did that. They will see red! (pun intended).
Many years back I had seen a KLM Airlines poster which proclaimed that 70% of customers go elsewhere due to the attitude of indifference of the airline employees. Through another poster, I came to know that employees, too, leave organisations citing the attitude of indifference of the management. This indifference stems from a lack of caring culture which every organisation is expected to nurture.
It came as a complete surprise when I travelled last week to Newark on United Airlines. The gate staff were rather curt though efficient in what they were trained to do. As I entered the aircraft, the flight attendant greeted everyone, not just me, with an infectious grin. He was at hand for anyone who needed some assistance. He had this cheerful disposition all through the flight. I spoke to Corey (his name) and when I asked him why he made an effort to be amiable, he said that among all the airline's staff, he had the most time to interact with flyers and what he says and does reflect on the rating of the airlines. I am sharing a selfie that I took with him. You will see what I mean.
This reminded me of what Late Prof C K Prahlad said about creating economic potential. Talking of airlines, he stressed the fact that flight attendants had the maximum interface with travellers and their attitude represented the attitude of airlines. He also advocated taking care of the economy class passengers (in the US it is coach class) and not fussing over business class flyers who will take the flight anyway. This was his ‘base of the pyramid’ approach to maximising economic potential. Very sad that Prof Prahlad passed away in 2010, at the young age of 59.
Is the attitude of indifference a stubborn trait or is it something that we read into the behaviour of people whom we deal with? I think it is both. When we expect the staff to extend the normal courtesies, if they spurn us with their unresponsive demeanour, we characterise that as an attitude of indifference. On the other hand, when we don’t get the response that we expect or feel that we are being ignored, we tend to brand that as an indifferent attitude without pausing to think that the person we approached meant no disrespect or disregard to us but was just being matter of fact in her response. ‘She is such a grouch’, would be our impulsive inference.
Unresponsiveness can hardly be a synonym for indifference. A person can be, by nature, quite stoic and unlikely to be profuse with his reaction to a situation. Another person who is by nature an extrovert can be effervescent in his reactions. You can’t call either of them indifferent. One is by nature stoic and the other is bubbly.
Epictetus was a Greek philosopher who was born into slavery and who taught people to endure all things without emotion. He is credited with developing Stoic philosophy, or Stoicism. His famous quote reads:
“We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”
Do introverts appear to be indifferent and do extroverts show no indifference? It is difficult to say considering that indifference is a situational behaviour. These two categories of people are often judged by their appearance and attitude. They are classified as socially active or socially awkward. While an extrovert can greet a total stranger as if he has known him or her for years, the introvert will not do that. In that sense, the introvert may appear indifferent. Not because he does not want to, but would do it with circumspection. An extrovert may like to be the centre of attention, while an introvert is a self-effacing person. An extrovert ordinarily has the gift of the gab (gab came from gob, which in Irish means ‘mouth’), meaning he can get into a conversation easily and hold forth on matters. Consequently, the extrovert might get easily miffed by the indifference of others.
Do people become indifferent if they have been exposed to frequent situations that cause them unhappiness? Possible. Indifference becomes their defence mechanism. Imagine a son causing the parents a lot of grief by his wayward actions. When he is involved in another skirmish, the parent tends to become indifferent and emotionally numb. They curse their fate for this visitation of despair.
In a societal context, indifference can be quite damaging. Imagine, the indifference of law enforcement agencies or the political dispensation or that of a teacher or one of the parents! Each will have consequences of varying degrees of seriousness. Indifference of these kinds can amount to apathy.
Empathy, on the other hand, requires people to be sensitive to other people. Indifference and empathy are contradictions. Empathy is predicated on one’s own experience of the past in similar situations, which helps them relate to another person in a similar situation. Being indifferent in such a context may not be apathy but surely indifference of a grave nature.
Can being indifferent be an art? Can one develop the ability to be stoic? Perhaps so. If we recognise situations which we cannot control or people whose actions and speech we have no control over, we can, instead of feeling bitter, rationalise the situation or the attitude of that person, retain our composure and not let it affect us. At the heart of this art lies our ability to identify what we cannot control.
I do hope readers will not be indifferent but will share their views 😀
To end in a lighter vein:
A: What’s the difference between ignorance & indifference?
B: ‘I don’t know and I don’t care.’
Take care and don’t be indifferent to your well being. See you next week. Ciao.
I have not travelled to the USA and so cannot comment on the behaviour of American airline or other staff. But I have travelled a bit in France and Ireland, and found airline and other staff unfailingly courteous in all kinds of public contexts. It is part of their culture. In Ireland, a query will often be answered with a smile and the words 'No problem'. Whereas I think American culture is predicated on the money value the customer brings to the service provider - and there it ends. I am not inclined to position it as extravert vs. introvert.
Interesting observations and so eloquently shared! I see that cultural difference between the East and West, where relationships matter to the former, transactional efficiency matters to the latter. Minding one’s own business always, but smiling and saying hello if the other meets you in the eye, sums it up, I would think :)