Filter Coffee #252

On Perception Vs Reality

Bengaluru

FC 251 on ‘Underdog’ did not receive as many comments as I had expected, but I am happy with the comments that I got.

• Subahu Desai: “So true, Prasanna. A topic I can relate to, having lived it and observed it closely since childhood. Underdogs aren’t looking for sympathy but opportunity. They have fire in their belly, which needs to be fanned. As a family, we have tried to encourage (I will not use the word 'help') many underdogs. One being our cook’s (a single mother) daughter, who is now a reporter with a leading TV channel. My dad, a doctor, used to employ many deserving individuals, including car washers and house helpers, in our family's business—cinema theaters and film distribution offices. Needless to say, all did well, with children being educated and securing good employment.”

• Lakshmi Raman: “The filter coffee this edition is one close to my heart,too—the underdog. I have always championed the underdog and, thankfully, found that many I helped found their feet and went on to do well in life. Like the dishwasher boy you spoke of and helped to come up. While the help is welcomed, the thing the underdog wants most is that you treat them with dignity and make them visible.”

• Shahji Jacob: “Talking of underdogs, I am not sure that he was an underdog, but financially, he was. That much I know, and he had a fire in his belly to succeed. I distinctly remember the day Pras was introduced to the boy. I remember Pras took him as a protégé and found a donor to finance his studies, and today the boy is a doctor in his own right. Pras, I am mentioning this as you mentioned the dishwasher boy.”

💭 Perception & Reality

All of us, almost every day, have certain perceptions that we believe will be a reality at some stage. This is far from the truth. Our perception can be a product of our imagination or assessment, or even wishful thinking. It may even misguide us into believing that a certain situation or event will become a reality.

A boy and a girl are good friends, and over time, they care for each other. The girl perceives the boy as a good friend and displays a certain level of caring and affection. The boy perceives this differently and mistakes the platonic relationship for love. He is struck hard by reality when the girl informs him that she is getting married and moving to a different city and that she will miss him a lot. Similar would have been the case if the girl had a different perception of the boy’s caring and affectionate demeanour. But then, I believe the perception of girls is more grounded than that of boys 😀.

Is there a way of testing one’s perceptions rather than waiting for a rude awakening? It’s possible, in fact, it’s advisable. Individual perceptions can be tested, but perceptions of a collective body of persons gain credence until reality sets in. Your perception that it may rain and that the match may be called off may not be shared by the people around you, who are optimistic that the match will get underway. When it does, your perception is considered a negative perception, and that of the people around you is a positive perception. Do pessimism and optimism influence perceptions? Possibly. Negative perceptions are often influenced by a pessimistic bent of mind, and positive perceptions by optimism.

Is perception a byproduct of wishful thinking? What you wish for depends on various factors, but your perceptions are products of your deductions that are not entirely logical, and unlikely they will become a reality. You may wish someone to be part of a team, and your perception arising from it is that that person is better than others. The selectors may well agree with you, but may prefer younger people, as when Shubhman Gill was chosen to lead and Shreyas Iyer was left out.

When we share our perceptions with another person, we may be told that it is a figment of our imagination and that what we perceive is far from reality. The logical deduction is that while perception is not a shared feeling, reality concerns all those who are around. What, then, is the simplistic meaning of reality? Reality is the truth and is the real state of affairs on the ground, and not what you think is the truth.

Take, for instance, two people watching a stage performance. Their perceptions can be quite different. One person would think the performance was poor, and the other person may feel that the stage settings, the bad sound system and the lighting were bad. Can we say that the first person was judgmental and so negative, but the other was rational and constructive?

We cannot deny that we can, at times, become judgmental based on our perceptions. Being judgmental is not the same as judging. Perceptions influence a judgmental approach. But judging requires reliable facts and other evidence that support it and so point to some existing reality. It follows that perception is a subjective lens and reality is the objective truth.

Is there a difference in belief & perception? Not really. Our perceptions are influenced by our beliefs, some of which are not founded on reality. All of us have our own cognitive biases, which have an influence on our perceptions. Imagine a person overtaking you on a narrow road, forcing you to swerve. Your bias prompts the perception that he is a reckless idiot. The person sitting next to you has a different perception and says, “Maybe there’s an emergency, or he may be late for an interview.”

We are quick to brand people, situations and things as good or bad or avoidable. We may not have the basis for doing so. But our experience fuels the perception that it is bad. A guy who is fixated on organic food perceives all other forms of food as bad. A person who hates pets (some deep-rooted bias, perhaps) believes that pets are a nuisance.

Our preconceived notions influence our perceptions. We are quick to sympathise with any disability that you can see for yourself, but unlikely to do that with a hearing-impaired kid. Our perception that only what we see deserves our attention is a misperception.

Do perceptions matter? Yes, they play a crucial role in our lives. They shape our beliefs, opinions, and ideas. Perceptions help us make sense of the ecosystem and influence our decisions without us even realising it! But it is only when we focus on the difference between reality and perception that we are better equipped to make decisions based on what is happening rather than what we think will happen.

Here are a few instances of perception that overlook reality.

• A guy meets his friend, who has done well for himself and is living well. The guy concludes that his friend is one helluva rich and happy guy, without knowing that the friend’s wife has a terminal ailment.

• A guy’s wife finds the neighbour opening the car door for his wife and chides the husband, who, on talking to the neighbour, learns that the car door doesn’t open from inside!

On a more sombre note, it was perceived by the organizers that the RCB victory march would be a celebratory event, but the reality was that the administration was caught off guard. The perception that it would be a fanfare turned into a harsh reality.

Here’s something in a lighter vein. I came across 🔗this short video on perceptions. I urge you to take the test it offers.

Dear Readers, hope you liked this post, which I wrote in a bit of a hurry, as I went to Kuala Lumpur on Thursday night for a Masonic event and returned only on Saturday night.

Please do share your stories of ‘Perception Vs Reality’.

Until next week, take care and be safe. Ciao!