Filter Coffee #027

On 2021 & Resolutions

Dear Friends, I'm glad to see that 🔗 FC #26 was well received. Many of you had a lot to say, about both the write up on the planetary conjunction and the discussion on friends. I am grateful to all those who took the trouble to post very insightful comments. 

Before I begin this week's issue (the first of the new year!), I would like to ask you for a favour. I am about 50 email recipients short of 1000. If you can please share your favorite issue of Filter Coffee with your friends, and ask them to subscribe, it would be great!

🎉 2021

By the time you read FC #27, you will have ushered in the new year in your own way. The one common new year wish that we all have is the arrival of the much awaited COVID-19 vaccine. 

I sincerely hope and pray that 2021 will restore normalcy and dispel the anxiety.

This is the time to make resolutions and then either practice them or discard them. For many of us, the occurrence of the latter seems more probable. 

It is not necessary that resolutions must be associated with and made on the new year’s day. You can resolve to do something or not to do something on any occasion, or even randomly.

In its ordinary connotation, ‘resolution’ has many meanings. These include:

• To sort out an issue or a problem

• To resolve to do something or not to do something

• In tech terms ‘high resolution’ - number of pixels per square cm

• A decision of the Board or a Society in the form of a Resolution

My grandmother went to Kashi and came back to tell us that she resolved to give up eating brinjal. We teased her a bit by asking why did you give up something which you don’t like anyway and why not give up bhindi which you like so much? Pat came her answer: “I was beginning to like brinjal and I thought it is best to give up something you are beginning to like”.

We let it pass.

Giving up smoking is another resolution which many find hard to keep. So they find clever variants:

• I will not smoke except during a party, say after a drink

• One after breakfast, one after lunch and one after dinner

• I will give up smoking on my birthday

• I will give it up on our wedding anniversary day (which birthday and which anniversary is left unspecified) 

Same goes for drinking:

• No third drink!! How clever!

• No drinking at home

• And so on

This reminds me of an anecdote of a retired army Captain who used to always drink from two glasses — one for himself and the other for his ‘boozem’ pal living far away. One day, he was found drinking from just one glass. When asked why, he said that he had given up drinking on new year's day but his friend hadn’t! 

In a similar vein, a TV addict resolved to read more, so he started watching movies which had English subtitles!

On a more solemn note, the best resolutions are those that stem from past experience. Take for example the Roman God Janus who represents the January month. It is believed that he had two faces. One that looked back and the other that looked ahead. When we look back, we know what we did well, what wrongs we indulged in and what we failed to do. The first resolution is to not let the past year’s wrongs repeat.

The next resolution should be to make yourself reliable. This has two aspects: relying on yourself and being reliable to others.

Self-reliant people avoid imposing themselves on others to achieve something and reliable people help others achieve something.

Resolutions are not one-off affirmations. They have to be backed up by a firm resolve to make them a way of life. Sustainability must be factored into that resolve to do something. It may be easy to resolve that you will become an environmentalist or a naturalist or climate change evangelist. But if that resolve but remains a mere declaration of intent, then your resolution will be still-born. It is akin to a politician sweeping the streets for a photo-op rather than to promote cleanliness and invest in creating awareness.

If you resolved to help a girl child to go to school and pay for her education and pay for books, uniform, shoes, etc., it can’t be for just one year. The resolve should be sustained and you need to ensure that you extend or mobilise resources to support her every year.

Impulsive resolutions are more likely to fall by the wayside than those which are well thought through after assessing the ability to abide by it and stay committed. It is like doing a 400 meter dash and then clutching your sides and gasping for breath. Contrast this with a simple half marathon that involves running for 7 KMs. There is a certain amount of conditioning, training and in some cases acclimatising involved before you resolve to do that run. 

That takes me to the next set of questions. Do resolutions need motivation? Are resolutions made out of compulsion? Are some of them induced by fear or threat? 

Take motivation — I will share my own experience. My wife is very particular about her exercise regimen and in the process she has motivated me to develop my own regimen. She encourages me to pursue it, and what more she even reminds me to play golf (much to the envy of my avid golfer friends)! So, you need some unadulterated motivation or someone to lead you by example.

Why did I use ‘unadulterated motivation’? If one is motivated by fear or compulsion it would not be unadulterated — you are compelled to meet your goals. 

Like for example, a person may workout to shed some weight and cut back on carbs and sweets following a poor health check-up. 

That reminds me of a little joke:

A friend of mine began drinking karela (bitter gourd) juice. At first it was with revulsion, but he gradually began to see it as a bittersweet pill to keep his blood sugar in check. Now if he can’t get it for some reason, he is not too happy.

On the flip side, there are several instances of addictions that people wish to be rid of but find it hard despite counseling. A strong motivation, or rather a disincentive, may at times help. A friend of mine gave up smoking when his son was born. He thought it might be a bad influence as some boys tend to mimic the father. You may not believe it, but yet another person gave up smoking because his clothes used to reek of smoke smell and his little daughter would not hug him when he returned home after work. The fear of being alienated prompted him to give up smoking. There are similar instances of people either cutting back or giving up drinking. The threat of being separated from the family has often been a strong motivation.

There are also people who believe that making a resolution devoid of self-realisation or self-belief but making that resolution at someone’s behest or pleasure is unlikely to succeed in the long run. I can’t subscribe to this generalised statement. With familial support or support of certain groups it should be possible to stay on course.

Being true to yourself and persisting with resolution can be significantly beneficial if you practice mindfulness and meditation. Staying focused becomes a lot easier — over time of course, please do not expect results too soon. You need to assiduously devote time and practice the art of mindful meditation in order to be able to be at peace with yourself while you bring your much avowed resolution to fruition.

If you wish to know more about heartfulness, mindfulness and meditation please visit  🔗 Daaji.org

🎶 Auld Lang Syne

As 2020 recedes into the past let us not forget old times, old friends and good old memories.

I urge you to listen to Auld Lang Syne which is one of the most iconic New Year's Eve songs. Auld stands for Old in Scottish, Lang for Long and Syne for Since. Taken together, this is a nostalgic song “for old times’ sake”. The original poem was written in 1788 by Robert "Rabbie" Burns in Scots-language.

Here’s a great rendition of the song by Scottish singer Dougie Maclean, including lyrics:

I will see you next week. Take care, don’t let that mask slip. Vaccine is yet to see the light of day!