Filter Coffee #038

On Spring Cleaning

Dear Readers,

I was very touched by the kind words of appreciation that many of you had for the portrayal of the women in my life. 

My elder brother reminded me of the way my mother cured scorpion bites. According to him: 

“She would take a bunch of broomsticks and uttering some mantra, she would gently stroke the bitten part for a few minutes and ask the victim to shake the limb vigorously. She would then give him or her a glass of buttermilk. The victim would walk out relieved. Do not know how it worked. Maybe faith cure or hypnosis. People would knock on our doors even in the middle of the night. She would get up without a murmur and attend to them. What more, she never accepted money or anything in return. She did not discriminate but treated anyone who believed in her ability to cure.” 

Priya, the daughter of my cousin Suma who passed away some years ago, recalls how her mother was responsible for what Priya is today and makes a special mention of how, at the age of 40, her mother passed a special course for teaching hearing-impaired children and made it not just her livelihood but also made a difference by teaching many children who were hearing impaired.

Lynn Weiss from Washington DC had this to say: 

“My mother was an amazingly strong competent woman who multitasked as a mother, wife, daughter and a businesswoman. My mother taught me how important it is to treat all people the same and with respect without distinction.”

Finally, I was asked by Chandrika, a friend, as to why I made no mention of two other young ladies in my life... my daughter and my granddaughter. Well, I told her that in 🔗 FC #37 I was discussing those women who shaped my destiny, but that these two ladies were my destiny, as my world revolves around them!

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🧹 Spring Cleaning

Around the time I was struggling to finish writing FC #37, my dear wife decided to commission the Asian Paints team to undertake the painting of our apartment. I love inertia and the status quo. But neither can overcome the resolve with which she embarked on the task of commissioning the painters. Her spirit and enthusiasm is indomitable. She moved me from one room to another like furniture. I chose not to complain. I know what’s good for me. My son-in-law who has this penchant for colour selection chose the colours and they had multiple conversations on the issue. When I ventured to suggest certain shades of grey they met the same fate as the book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ —  banned from further discussion! My wife doesn't think I have an eye for colour, as she thinks the colours that I select are ‘rather cheerful’. 

The collateral benefit of painting the house is that it gives an opportunity to do some spring cleaning. I dreaded this more than the painting. I have a dust allergy and never have I considered an allergy to be such a blessing. 

I don’t know how many of you have experienced hands-on spring cleaning. It is a very emotional exercise. I will get to that but let me give you a bit of gyan from Wikipedia on how the term originated.

“Some researchers trace the origin of spring cleaning to the Iranian Nowruz, the Persian new year, which falls on the first day of spring. Everything in the house is thoroughly cleaned, from the drapes to the furniture.

Spring cleaning is also identified with the ancient Jewish practice of thoroughly cleansing the home in anticipation of the springtime festival of Passover (Pesach). Jews are not only supposed to refrain from eating leavened foodstuffs (chametz), they are also expressly commanded to rid their homes of even small remnants of chametz for the length of the holiday. Therefore, observant Jews conduct a thorough "spring cleaning" of the house.

Traditionally, the Catholic church thoroughly cleans the church altar and everything associated with it on Maundy Thursday, the day before Good Friday, in the Spring. 

During the 19th century in America, prior to the advent of the vacuum cleaner, March was often the best time for dusting because it was getting warm enough to open windows and doors.”

Returning to my theory that spring cleaning is an emotional issue, let me explain why it is so.

Spring cleaning should actually be called ‘Spring Clearing’. It involves the painful decision of getting rid of things that are of no use. A few friends of mine, whose parents were either in the army or in government jobs, tell me that while packing all the household effects, the most difficult task was to discard things that clearly were of no use. I was told that you should ‘discard’ and not ‘throw’ things that you don’t want. Apparently, to throw would mean tossing in the air something whereas discard means ‘setting aside’ or ‘getting rid of’. So, spring cleaning is all about letting go of things that have clearly outlived their utility.

Sentiments often play a sinister role in the process. If Dad wants to discard a frayed rug Mom would say “Oh, no! Don’t. That was the rug that my father used to sit on while he prayed. It is a family heirloom.” Dad dare not say that she has never sat on it much less to pray.

Let us pause here and check out what qualifies to be a family heirloom. An heirloom is something that has been passed down for generations. Like a grandfather’s clock or a grand piano acquired in the 1900s and passed on to successive generations regardless of whether the clock has stopped ticking or the piano is completely out of tune. Yet, these cannot be discarded.

You are familiar with the phrases ‘lofty ideas’ and ‘lofty sentiments’. In the context of spring cleaning, they acquire a different meaning. It is about ideating as to what should go in or come out of the loft. It is about getting sentimental when something which was tucked away in the loft for years is to be discarded. The loft or attic is a place where things are stored away with the unshakable thought: “You never know when you might need them”.

So, when my wife decided to get on with the painting, she decided to attack the loft and I said I have vertigo and can’t climb the high stool. Our help, Selvam, was summoned and as she attacked the loft with gusto,  every now and then she would show something to me and ask, “Do you need this?” and if without thinking I said yes, then she would tell Selvam, “Keep this in Saab’s Car. Let him take it to his office.” I shudder at the thought of my office becoming a warehouse and tell her to ‘discard’ that thing.

The other day I asked a friend if he has been involved in spring cleaning. He said:

“My wife is a hoarder. She says throwing away things is a thoughtless act devoid of any idea of how we may need something in the future. She folds away neatly gift wrapping paper, stores paper bags and disposable containers. When I asked her why she keeps these containers, she retorted - When your sister, aunt or cousin come for lunch, how do you think they take home for dinner what they liked?”

In the West there are ‘yard sales’ and all the unwanted things are laid out on the lawn with the hope of getting some money and letting someone else carry them away.

I am a lawyer by profession. Spring cleaning the office is a nightmare. There are outdated law books, reams of old documents and files that have been gathering dust. My secretary reminds me that the office is beginning to look like a storage space. I play it safe and write to the person to whom the file relates: “Please come and collect your files within two days and if I don’t hear from you, they will be shredded”. To carry out the threat I even bought a shredder. The shredder is quite busy these days.

But I have more files to get rid of and I am thinking of a new strategy. I will write, “Please collect your files within 48 hours. For every day's delay, there will be a storage charge of Rs. 500 per day.” I wonder if it will work! 

Actually, I got this idea from an old joke of the famous Kannada humorist, the late Beechi. His character is named Thimma and he features in all his anecdotes. Apparently, Thimma decided to learn Carnatic music and was very keen to give a performance. So, he hired the town hall and got the tabla and harmonium players to accompany him. He put out a sign, “Music performance by Thimma, Entry Fee Rs. 2/-” (mind you Rs. 2 in Beechi’s days was something like today’s 200 or more perhaps). There were lots of people on the lawns around the town hall and Thimma imagined they would throng and he would have a good attendance. But after about half an hour when no one turned up he scratched Rs.2 and changed it to “Entry Free''. 

Lo! behold, the hall began to fill up slowly and was soon full up with time-pass people. As he began to exercise his vocal cords to the thud of the tabla and the disharmony of the harmonium, the time-passers decided to quietly leave before they passed out. When they reached the exit they saw the signboard which said “Exit Fee Rs. 2/-”. Apparently, the collection far exceeded Thimma’s expectations. 

So, I am hoping to rake in the moolah. Please wish me good luck! 

Here are two very contrasting quotes, one by a famous woman and the other by an unknown man. 

“We should be choosing what we want to keep, not what we want to get rid of.”
— Marie Kondo

“Someone sent me an email about using Vodka for cleaning around the house. It worked; the more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked!”